hey Hope, Go girl! You see, part of me wants to confront OW, b/c I keep thinking what my grandma says. "when you dont do or say anything maybe they think you dont care". It seems to be a fine line and It is WAY too thin to see right now. Do you think it could be possible H are in so over their head that they may almost NEED us to stand up and "rescue" them? I have a long list of questions for DB coach. I still have 4 sessions.
H came over to visit kids. I asked if he could take kids tommorrow night and all day Sat, "b/c I just wanted to do some stuff" He said he already had plans to go to Beihl St.(? sp) in Memphis with the guys. He said he felt really bad about that and he acknowledged I need more WEEKEND time to myself. I said well, its OK, I shouldve given you more notice. OH, I just hate it!! Aghh!
H was playing volleyball outside with twins. I tried to stay out of way too much - i was fixing dinner. D came in told me they were playing. H says jokingly "hey they need you on their side to help since Im kicking their butts by myself" We all started a new game together and had a good time. As we were playing it dawned on me that I really was consumed with myself and everything else. I needed to relax and have fun more - not worry about all the other stuff so much. So in a wierd way, I know DB says to make yourself absent/mysterious/ and GAL - which I do still agree with, but in this respect, FOR ME, I think when H is here visiting kids, I might need to put down the laundry, the spatula, or the checkbook and jump in if it feels right.
I finished dinner as H helped D11 with homework. I had D11 ask him earlier if he'd eat dinner with them , but he told them no. So.... I made a plate of fried chicken , mashed potatoes, squash and zucchini for him to take "home". Set it in front of him saying we had plenty, so "why dont you take this with you?". He didnt say anything. And when he left , he started to walk out without his dinner plate. Im sure he was conveinently "forgetting it " b/c OW Im sure cooks for him. But, I casually reminded him - he took it, hugged the kids goodbye, turned to leave - didnt look at me - but actually said "goodbye ******". HE SAID MY NAME! Listen to me I sound like a school girl with major crush. He'll probably dump the dinner plate - hope not b/c he loves that dish- and maybe I shouldve let him leave without taking it, but Im still in awe - HE SAID MY NAME!
All in all, Im still hurting, but I feel like tonight was a decent night. I will check in later girls. Gotta feed the babies.
Hey JGrind, seems like you had a decent night also. Sometimes it is good to detach but when H wanted you to play it was good you joined in the fun. Amazing all the little things we took for granted like saying your name make such a difference.
I know that with H we stopped doing things and never seemed to go anywhere but movies. But with Ow they go out all of the time. But it is mostly at sport bars and H is drinking all of the time. I truly believe right now he is addicted to OW and the alcohol. I know it will take a long time for us to find each other again. My original goal is to have him back by next Christmas. Now I need to break down much smaller goals. I am detaching right now. After this past few days even though I miss him I do not want to see him at all. He looked bloated and terrible last night. I have been active at the gym and usually walk the beach most nights. I have been living a somewhat solitary life but I need to maybe check out that Divorce Cares long it is also about reconcillation. You are doing good.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
