Sara--Thanks for the feedback about the 180s. It is very very hard for me to do nothing. My friend Jeff on these boards was cautioning me all spring to "be still" but it was hard to do. Now I picture poking a lion with a stick when I think of peppering H with questions. Will the lion enjoy it? Well, neither will my husband...
In regards to "married singles", I am not worried about this from my end. My D2 is in daycare and my S6 goes to her daycare after school 3 times a week from 3:00-5:00 so I get some "mommy time". I would run during that time after school, so it would not affect time with H. As per the committee for Relay for Life, it doesn't convene until January and only meets like once per month. So again, not a big time constraint. The damage done by me NOT having a life (in H's eyes especially) is bigger than the risk I take GETTING a life, it that makes sense.
Running--I did NOT file. Let me make that clear. What I did was go to an attorney to find out what my options were. If you had seen/heard my husband on Sunday night, when he said he hated me and we were DONE, you would understand I think. I felt he was for sure done and I needed to find out what my options would be if he filed. I think the unknown can be scarier than the known. Now I have an idea what it will look like if we get to that point, but it doesn't mean I have to file. It just means I don't have to panic b/c whether we remain married or not, I should have enough money to feed and clothe the kids, and stay in our home.
Finally, what attracted him to OW? Physically, she is petite with very large boobs. I don't know how that happens, no fair! She is about five years younger than me. She has the personality I used to have, outgoing, perky, flirty, fun. She had family around who watched her son all the time so she could go out and stay out all hours of the night. It was no problem for her to go to the bar with the gang after work and stay until closing time. I couldn't do that, so she was more "fun" than me. She did not have to worry about H's financial situation, so she could listen, affirm, encourage him when he talked about his cattle business and complained about me nagging him re. the money situation. She did not have to deal with real life issues like kids, house upkeep, etc. with H so she could be supportive of whatever he said. Also, she worked with H. So she "got" his work situation. I always asked him to talk about it with me, but he didn't. She knew the names of the coworkers, customers, knew the temperament of their boss, etc., so she was easy to talk to about that stuff. And she could go to lunch with him every day, which I could not do as a stay-at-home-mom. She was the fun, easy option.
I used to be perky cheerleader, sorority and pom pom girl, always up for a good time, chatty, outgoing, loved to go to parties, flirt, be witty, etc.
Once H had his first one night stand, things started to change. I know I became more insecure and suspicious of H, and wanted more of his time. We never went to counseling or anything, he moved to St. Louis right after but I had to stay in Boise for 2 months to finish out the school year. We came back together after that break, I guess absence made the heart grow fonder. During the time he was gone, I started up running, lost 15 pounds, gained independence b/c it was the first time I had EVER lived alone, etc. Must have been appealing to H.
Affair 1 happened after son was 4 weeks old and lasted 6 weeks. I was not available for H sexually, emotionally, etc. b/c I was wrapped up in caring for a newborn, being up all hours of the day/night. I made the mistake of sleeping on the couch w/S on my chest the first month of his life, which made me even more unavailable to H. I couldn't meet him for drinks after work, etc, either, with a newborn at home and no family around.
I think the farm situation is what led to A #2. Dan felt I wasn't supporting him on the thing that mattered most to him , and that opened him up to accepting her support/understanding/comfort. Plus she was LOOKING for an OM to get out of her marriage.
