Losing Ground but turning around

[One Day]

(((((BA)))))

I truly don't understand your H. At all.

I like the idea of you setting some boundaries. They don't have to be punishing boundaries, but I do think you need to look after yourself at the moment and make sure you have space to do things for yourself. Your H is SO deep in his MLC I think he needs your support, but that's so hard on you. Thinking about it, your H reminds me a bit of RollerCoasterRiders' H whose threads I read when I came here. She said that the MLCer needs gentle support (but boundaries) during the MLC, but that you can set strong boundaries when they come out of the tunnel.

I hope you're having a good day.

L. xx

PS I can't believe that MOW either. Unbelievable.

[ba065]

Lisa...thanks for posting to my thread. Good to hear from you. Hope things are going well for you at work!

I will go back and read some of RollerCoasterRider's threads...it could be very beneficial!

I am trying to do things for me...I've come a long way over the past 15 months. A part of me has been beaten to death with this whole mess, but the other part of me (the fighter) is keeping a positive outlook, trying to look to the future regardless of what that brings and trying to maintain that old dignity and grace I've been praying for for so long.

A positive....H met me for lunch today....the downside was that he spent the entire time either on the phone (work stuff), reading the newspaper (rude) and complaining about work, co-workers and our plight. When I left, I wished him a good afternoon....kissed him on the cheek, thanked him for meeting me for lunch and left. Haven't heard from him since and don't expect he'll be home anytime soon tonight....

Hoping (but not expecting) for a calm, relaxing evening tonight. Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised...maybe not...we'll see.

BA

[forward]

BA, What if the next time you said "You seem busy--catch ya later?"

[ba065]

Breton:

I'll try this...sometimes the simplest things get overlooked because I get so wrapped up in the "big picture" so to speak!

I've started listening to a book on tape someone loaned me...For Women Only....very profound information on the inner workings of a man's mind. I'm sure someone here has mentioned it before but it had escaped me. I'm hoping the information can help me tailor my responses and help me understand more of the deeper meanings behind my H's statements and reactions to things.

Today is MOW's birthday...she is 51...

I ASS U ME D that H would be spending time with her today...but he invited me to lunch?! Maybe her H has made plans with her instead? Not thinking about it anymore today...putting it out of my mind.

Hope everyone has a good day today! The sun is shining here...it's supposed to be in the upper 60s. I'm going to go biking this weekend...and finish painting the dang bathroom (it's been on the back burner far too long).



BA

[transformer]

BA,

I am so glad to see you back here, and that you are going to go biking this weekend!!! Yay!!!!

Forgive me if I've already mentioned this, but have you read "passionate marriage"? If you are looking for new reading material I think it will totally rock your world. The title is a little misleading, but it is really the deepest book about relationships I have found. It might be really fruitful for you to read.

I am EXTREMELY excited that H opened up to you about the trauma from his past and is in therapy. that is SO AMAZING.

My prayer for you is not that you just survive this, but that you find a way to live joyfully (though I am sure that seems impossible right now).

The lunch thing sounds a little weird. I really like breton's suggestion. some balance between being there for him, and not letting him disrespect you.

LOVE,
T

[One Day]

((((BA))))

Just thinking of you and hoping that the painting went well, and that the biking was fun. did you have lunch with your H in the end?

I'm also pleased that your H opened up about his past and is doing something to fix things. That sounds like a hugely positive step forward.

L. xx

[ba065]

These are some things I am thankful for:

God
My H
My kids
My friends and family members
Every single day I wake up
Every breath I take
Being able to see the beauty around me
Being able to hear, to speak, to smell
The ability to work and provide for my family
The food we put on our table
The roof over our heads
Having a good job
Having to go thru my sitch....because it has made me see things more clearly....things about myself...things that really matter
The tears I cry each day, because it means I have feelings

I am thankful that I am fortunate enough to have shared my life with my H regardless of how things end up....we did have a wonderful life together...the past 16 months haven't been too great, but regardless of what he says, we did have a wonderful life, two great kids, supportive family and friends.

If it were to all end tomorrow, I would especially try to be thankful for the time we did have together

That's it for now...I'm heading to bed.

Hugs everyone!

BA

[AliSuddenly]

Hi BA...Good to hear from you! I like your list.

Are things no different then? You still in limbo land?

Funny, mine has been rumbling on for 16 months now, I dont get to see my ex much right now and I dont thikn I have got to the stage of being grateful for what we HAD.. so well done you!

Al xxx

[ba065]

More Thanks.....

I'm thankful for the upcoming surgery (Dec 12) to get the screws out of my ankle!! Finally!!!! They are killing me!

I'm thankful that my entire family is in good health!
I'm thankful that the price of gas is coming down.
I'm thankful that the guy who delivers office supplies brought me fresh baked cookies at work today!!!
I'm thankful that I am stronger than I ever though possible!

I am really trying to look for the positives every single day. Dwelling on the negatives is not healthy...and thinking about negatives brings you to the dark...which isn't a place I want to be.

Baby steps are happening around me every day....sometimes they are baby steps towards me and other times away from me. I cannot control what is happening....I can only control myself and my actions and reactions. Self-control is key...mind you, I lose it now and then (ask Jeff)...but you just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over....it gets easier every time!

We should all spend some time this week counting our blessings and being thankful...It has been helping me keep things in perspective!

Hugs all!

BA

[ba065]

Hey Ali:

Things haven't changed much...H is home, staying in the guest room....still spending time with MOW...

Overall, I would say things are better than they were 16 months ago for me....but we are a long way from being "normal". His temper has died down alot...don't see it as often...the confrontations are fewer and farther between...there have been some good times in the past couple of months.

H is in IC...which is helping I think...there are alot of issues from his childhood popping up...which when you hear some of the things, do coordinate with how he feels about some things...??? I don't know?

Limboland sucks...I've been contemplating giving an ultimatum after the holidays.....don't know about it yet....but I'm emotionally ready to light the fire and accept the consequences. I can't continue to live this way. I love him, and I want to have a better M than before....but until he gives up MOW, it isn't going to work.

I've been reading your thread....you sound good...you sound strong. I know you are hurting...I'm sorry. BF needs to figure things out and you are giving him that opportunity....bless you for that!

Hugs!

BA