Thanks for the idea Sara, but I won't leave my kids during the holidays this year as I know they will be rough...
SO
I am thinking of any 180s I could do. I don't do them often or consistently, I suppose, which may be one reason Dan waffles, b/c I let him...
Anyway one 180 I did was to go to the lawyer, I am sure he never thought I would be the one becoming proactive about our possible divorce. The fact that I wrote up the spreadsheets/offer ideas and actually met with the guy for almost 2 hours must have been a surprise to him.
However, I do not want my 180 to be going and drawing up an offer and serving H. You guys have seen how my H can be on these boards, and when he feels challenged he sometimes (ok, often!) gets angry and acts first, thinks later. For example, telling me he hated me Sunday, then admitting Monday he loves me now and always will. He was just angry and hated the situation. So my concern would be that he would react in anger, sign the notice, and move on with the D just for spite.
SO
I am thinking I will actually listen to H. His common theme 'issues' with me are:
1)I don't listen to him (he is partly right, I often interrupt with my thoughts when he is trying to share his)
2)I always try to rush in and "fix/help" him when he is frustrated about something, but he doesn't always want my help, sometimes he just wants me to listen.
3)Last night he said he doesn't want to do anything with the D just yet b/c he has a lot to think about, like where he will live, how he will get a loan, how to make it all work, etc...
So I think my 180 should be to listen to H and respect his needs.
I think I will
1)NOT call H while he is on this trip to Scottsdale (he left today and gets back Sunday)
2)Not take any further action on the divorce, such as retaining a lawyer or writing up/adjusting the settlement plan I started yesterday
3)NOT speak to H about the possibility of divorce in any way shape or form unless/until he brings it up. In fact, have no type of R talk/M talk unless H brings it up, and then listen to what he says without trying to jump in and fix it, and also without reacting out of stubbornness or pride. This extends beyond his trip to when he comes back home. He briefly said last night, 'I may have to just stay here until we figure this all out' (meaning he isn't moving out any time soon)
4)Focus on really making myself happy. H commented Tues. night that he could tell I really enjoyed myself at the race on Sunday, that he was glad I found joy in running and he wanted to see me doing things that truly made me happy. So I will spend time with my kids, keep on running, and join a few social groups I have been looking into. A teacher at school asked me to be on the entertainment committee with her for Relay for Life, we book the entertainment and host them during the relay. It is a good chance for me to interact with other ladies in town. Also a mom at karate invited me to join MOPS (mothers of pre schoolers), they get together once or twice a month and the moms hang out while the kids play. All are good GAL activities/options for me...
On an unrelated note, that part about running reminds me, my H told his good friend Tom at work about me running and being in a marathon. I called H back for something yesterday and Tom answered, he asked me about the race and said H had been telling him about it. I suppose it is a positive sign that he is still talking about me to his friends?
Anyway that is my plan in a nutshell. Any other suggestions for 180s or tweaking the plan are appreciated.
