Sounds like your H could certainly have been facing the eternal mid life questions ... when is it my turn, what about me? His long hours are probably not returning him the life he expected and his career may seem more limited today than yesterday. While that may just be life for some folks, it is a catastrophic realization for MLCers. They will not accept. They demand options. Some must destroy the old to make room for the new.
Some need to re-live a period of freedom and youth, now considered "lost". Watch as he celebrates his 17th birthday, over and over and over. There are no clear definitions for MLC. Many actions and behaviors are observed so consistently that they become considered accepted standard symptoms, just as some are also proven inaccurate in individual situations. No guarantees.
Pursuit of this lost youth "often" finally includes an OP, even if they were initially just a friend or confidant during his early time of doubts. The OP is rarely the source of MLC, sometimes viewed as a trigger, but often an eventual symptom. MLCers are not honest with themselve, and often can't be. The life they now pursue is a full 180 turn around, or mirror opposite of who they were their full adult life ... they step through Alice's mirror into Wonderland. Our drama is being unable to follow or pull them back; and the MLCer trying to keep one foot on either side of reality. The pull is strong and they are weak.
I once thought at least with MLC, there was a sort of disease to be embraced and worked through. Time will heal. I absorbed every article explaining their eventual return. Many MLCers do not actually want to return or work through "it", whatever it is. They want to be someone new and different. They may cling to that need for dear life. They may change forever. They are incredibly hard to let go of, but sometimes that is all that is left for the LBS to do.
I will not encourage that on such a supportive forum dedicated to standing, which I personally and fundamentaly believe in. I will say it is a familiar outcome among those eventually ending up in the threads of Survivors.
Many stand. Standing provides the greatest opportunity to withstand the MLC storm and recover the M. It provides the LBS needed time to understand the drama and learn ways to handle it. Sometimes, standing gives the LBS time needed to prepare for and embrace their own best life; in whatever form that comes.
Use this place to make friends and share support. It can change your life, as it has many before you. Despite the way this time in your life may make you question the history of your M, MLC is not about you although you can not separate yourself from his life that led up to it. If he tries to make you embrace blame, know that this is his illness. Sure you were around when he silently began to become increasingly unhappy with his life. Sure, you could have done some things different. Folks say the same thing at their 50th Anniv. But they also say they never fell out of love at the same time, and managed to stay together.
What you have to focus on now is not the past, but an improved future that is not defined by the drama in your H's world, but by your own efforts to live the better life ... your best life.
Take care of yourself. Eat, exercise, and rest. Laugh often. Soak in a tub and sip wine.
