My 'h' and I have been divorced for a year. We were married for five years. He left two years ago last August. He called me at work to tell me that he packed his bags, moved out, and wanted a divorce. After that, he didn't talk to me until this past March. The silence was torcher.
The heartache isn't any better since we have started talking again. It is just different. My DB counselor and I have discussed how my 'not initiating' or 'pursuing' a call or email, every so often, would possibily alter his thinking and behavior. We haven't spoken for over 2-1/2 weeks. My confidence goes down after a week of not talking. Then, I eat. I have gained 15 lbs. since our divorce.
He looked for me within the first trial run. I was excited. This time around, he is taking longer. 'Acting as if' stinks. I'd like to tell him so much . . . but I don't. The roller coaster ride with my hopes is tiring. Noone seems to understand why I am standing firm and 'waiting'. I think I would have gone crazy without my DB counselor. She is wonderful.
1.) try to change 'what if nothing happens' to something positive . . . to . . . 'what steps can I take' 2.) taking another step toward healthier eating habits 3.) try to accept new challenges as opportunities to better myself and to use it as a step toward my future goals
realization:
1.) I need constant reinforcement and encouragement by way of books, people 2.) I remind myself that couples reconcile every day 3.) this is tough
Hi . . .My fear is 'going dark' hasn't helped. Absense hasn't made his heart grow fonder. It has just made his heart grow 'fainter'.
My goal:
to see if 'A' would initiate calls in a three week period. The first time I tried it, he did. I was feeling good about it. My hopes went up. After our telephone conversation, the waiting started again. Tomorrow (10/23) will mark the goal date. No intiation yet. Of course, I'm discouraged and my hopes went down. (emotional rollercoaster ride)
Current Progress:
I am not sure that there is anything left in the DB black bag for me.
Hi . . .My fear is 'going dark' hasn't helped. Absense hasn't made his heart grow fonder. It has just made his heart grow 'fainter'.
My goal:
to see if 'A' would initiate calls in a three week period. The first time I tried it, he did. I was feeling good about it. My hopes went up. After our telephone conversation, the waiting started again. Tomorrow (10/23) will mark the goal date. No intiation yet. Of course, I'm discouraged and my hopes went down. (emotional rollercoaster ride)
Current Progress:
I am not sure that there is anything left in the DB black bag for me.
1.) couldn't wait anymore 2.) txt 'A' with simple nice txt, he txt back 3.) he asked me how I was, I DOVE in ... with a lengthy txt 4.) even though I was trying to show levity, I felt like I regurgated words all over him 5.) felt like a fool, so I txt more 6.) I miss him and feel like a failure
1.) getting over trauma caused by walking on eggshells
Solution:
1.) staying on program designed by DB counsel a.) space and time have been very difficult but good b.) when I initiate: confident, light, short & sweet c.) when 'A' initiates: same as above d.) if 'A' makes plans, be appreciative, but practice boundaries (respect is gained)
2.) as time passes, staying on program will strengthen both of us 3.) as time passes, making contact decisions will be easier
It is a tough road and one I'm still on! I feel for you! Hang in there. The patience required is something I have to dig really deep for. Be strong!
Me:42 H:47 D:17 S:14 D:13 D:13 M: 18 years H filed 6/16/08 (I considered separation 5/08). D final 11/09. EH MLC/alcoholic. Not sure what the future holds..
1.) talked to 'A' two days ago. 2.) I made my decision and called. It was the three week mark. 3.) I called because he txt me that he had been sick. a.) Good reason to call: show that I care, called from work, short & sweet 4.) he sounded happy that I called 5.) he referred to my chicken soup txt and told me that he got some. 6.) we talked a few minutes, light & fun, I ended the conversation. 7.) the wait starts again . . . hate the wait. 8.) I have noticed that I feel much better with 'M' out of my life. 9.) I still worry that 'M' being out of my life will hinder my relationship with 'A'. 10.)I miss 'A' very much. But today, my hopes are up and I am positive. 11.)I look forward to seeing him.
1.) Feeling paralyzed. I'm not sure what to do. 2.) Getting tired of pushing away and pressing down doubt & fear 3.) Hope & pray things work out faster.
Current Progress:
1.) I haven't really seen 'M', but have severed relationship with her. 2.) I do not know what effect that will have on my relationship with 'A'. 3.) I'm trying to be relax and diet at the same time. 4.) Dieting today was difficult. 'M' threw me for a loop.
Good things are happening:
1.) Both my parents are feeling better. 2.) I will probably get a roommate. This will help pay the mortgage. 3.) I am saving money. 4.) I am feeling emotionally stronger. 5.) I've been thinking about getting a dog (again). 6.) Getting and feeling more organized. 7.) Having more motivation and energy.
I'll probably make another appointment soon to talk about stuff.
