Trying2Live-New Post #2

[AllW8SBF]

TXMom, I wish I could give you a hug. You don't deserve this and some how some way your always expected to pull things through. God will lead us all, and there will be happy times again. Maybe even better times. I know even with my h he runs so hot and cold and usually its when he's not getting what he wants all around. What about us, why can't we get what we want?

Have a good weekend and try not to think of this crap. Rest and recharge, as someone put it, your body is running a marathon with all this crap and you need to take care of it. So try and do that.

T2L I've decided - hope this counts as GAL and gaining confidence, I may embellish a bit, but only you girls will know this. I'm going to go to a hip hop dance class at my gym tomorrow (I won't be talking to anyone you just walk in at designated time and wait for it to start and follow instruction.- I don't have to pay it's included in my membership.

Then I'm prepping myself for some not so happy stuff next week.

I'm taking Friday off - planned long ago - and I will probably get a massage, nails and a hair cut. Can't afford it but I'll find a way. Then dh got tickets to the blackhawks game and up until his attitude change a few days ago he still wanted me to go, asked me last weekend. I fear he will change his mind and either sell them or take someone else. If that happens I'll be like no biggy, I'll fake a phone call and I'm going out - probably to my p's but I will make him think it's more.
This weekend I will go to my p's and tell him I'm going to haunted houses - sis and her friend did this last weekend so don't have anyone to do it with this weekend but he doesn't know that.
Then I'm going to start going out during the week, dress up, do my hair, and I will probably just go to the book store but he won't know that. Then I'm going to start going roller skating. And I'll go to some movies on my own. Boy I wish you girls lived close we could get together. We'd have a blast.

I'm going to see what my church has going on and get involved there.

And of course I will still be going to the gym, but I've got some options and OH a girl here at work (don't really like her - more can't trust her) asked if I ever want to go out with her to this bar that plays cool music let her know. I will probably do that and that will be a little step on my part for opening up and talking to people.

So what you think, we'll see how he reacts to all that. Coach says we have some rapid swings, when I go one way he goes the other and vice versa. But she says it sounds like he's trying to convince himself he's over us, but is lost and confused. He seems to be wanting me to take initiative to address him but again I roll it off.

Like you said T2L I need to get my pre expressions in to memory.
1. When not sure he seems like he wants contact, touch his arm and say hey what's up half laughing.
2. I'm sorry you feel that way when he says something negative.

The second one addresses his feelings with out dismissing or really even validating but subliminally helps me to not take his words or actions personally. And the first one allows me to test the water.

Now hopefully I can pull it off.