Wish I could read her mind (7)>>>>

[steady]

nds, I can relate to what you are saying about not being good at the 'GAL' aspect of DB'ing. I have two little kids, a 2 hour commute one way to my job, no friends here (moved here 2 years ago) so it's very hard for me to get out of the house.

I was told to GAL inside the house. Hobbies, home projects, etc... that opened my eyes to the fact that GAL'ing doesn't necessarily mean getting away from the house to do things.

I've come to the conclusion that GAL'ing stands for many things. Keeping the focus on ourselves rather than our W's or our sitch. Doing things that make us happy - that includes making the changes we want to make to make us better people. It includes taking care of the house and kids (if we have them). It encompases anything that shows you can be responsible and effective at what you are doing.

So in this sense, you have been GAL'ing all along. It doesn't matter if it comes easy or not. Treating my W with love and respect has become easy for me also. The light switch went off when the bomb hit and my eyes have been opened ever since. It has become very easy for me to look and see the things my W and family need me to do. My focus is in a totally different place - and I can't say it's because I created the new found focus. It happened to me. The part I played was to not allow myself to become distracted by anything that doesn't matter.

Interacting with your W is part of GAL'ing. It's getting a life - and that includes with your W. It's when we depend only on our W and become so needy that they are the only source we can turn to in order to be happy, or productive or alive that it becomes a problem. And believe me, they feel it if this happens. When you become an independent person who can stand on his own two feet without depending on someone else to create your happines, then they feel that. That's the man they fell in love with.

This is what the impact of GAL'ing has. You have it. You do it. Make no mistake about that.

You are in a phase where you want you and your W to me more responsible with other things that matter 'outside' of your R. I quote it because it isn't trully outside but a part of your R. Planning life and taking care of chores and house stuff is part of both of your lives, therefore part of your relationship.

You are doing great. I don't think there's anything wrong with where your head is at - except if moving into that area has a negative impact on your R.

This is all just my opinion, so anyone feel free to chime in to correct me.

A comment on whether you have anything to contribute or not. All you can do is present what you have done and what has worked and not worked for you. It's up to the person you are posting to find the diamonds. Ten different people can read the same post and get 10 different things from it. It relates to where they are at in their own growth and individual sitch. It's not up to us to spout wisdom but to merely share our experiences. When you do that you will be surprised at how many diamonds get plucked from your writing.