Unconditional Love 3 (mmf)

[missmyfriend]

I believe one of my biggest prayers is being answered. My biggest prayer is that my W will turn to the Lord and He will be first in her life and she will trust Him.

My next prayer is that she will want to be a mom again.

We have three great kids. I know I am biased but people who have, what I consider, great kids themselves, say my kids are phenomenal. If they are lying to me, I don't mind.

Even though they are great kids, they are having typical challenges that most kids do along with the heartache of their mom not being with us. They don't get goodnight hugs and kisses from their mom. When they are sick, she isn't there to tend to them and to wipe their noses or to be babied as we all want when we feel miserable.

My wife wasn't just an okay mom back when we were all together. She was a really, really good mom. Either she enjoyed our children and doing things with them or she was the finest actress that I have ever seen. While she did need some me time (who doesn't) she usually preferred scheduling time for all of us. The exceptions were where she and I could be a couple, hanging out and talking.

Since the divorce was final, I have made sure that I have informed her of activities for the kids. Previously, I picked and chose which things may be important to her because when I provided a list of everything, she seemed to withdraw.

The reason for my change in updating her has to do with several reasons. One, she should know. Two, the court documents expressly state she has shared legal custody. Third, the kids deserve to have their mom involved. And lastly, I felt that it was a possibility she distanced herself until the divorce was final so as to keep her resolve (only a theory).

This morning, I sent a text to her asking what she was doing for Halloween. I didn't want to make her feel like she had to get together with the kids so I thought I could leave it wide open.

She called me later while I was at work and said she received my text message. She said she was going to dress up and go trick or treating and if I would like to come along. I paused and she laughed so I joined her.

I said that our youngest was wanting to go as well as our oldest (D16 is going with her friends) while our middle child is going to be anti-social and hang out at home and hide from the trick or treaters.

During our lengthy conversation which was very pleasant, she asked me to go with the kids to a local amusement park (I had told her the park closes for the season after this weekend and they have passes), she will be meeting me up at the two boys school for parent teacher conferences next week and she will do Halloween with one or more of the kids.

She did bring up a challenging situation though. We have been talking about how our D16 has been depressed, not spending much time with her mom, her friends, schoolwork is not doing as well as it could, she watches too much TV, etc.

My W asked me how I would feel if our D16 would come to live with her (at least PT). She said that she knows that our D is lonely and needs a woman in her life, particularly her. She added that she doesn't want to divide up the family but the boys are doing well with me and they seem to be fine getting together with her every other weekend. D16 would still come home several nights per week as W works nights but other than that, they could hang out together, go to the gym together, act goofy together, etc.

I said that whatever our D needs is what should be done. I told my W that I would miss having her around, we would be fine. Plus, my Ws apartment is practically next door so it is a short walking distance from the apartment to our house.

My boys may not be too happy about the situation though. Additionally, my W wants to take the 2nd bedroom and tailor it to our D so she feels more at home. I said if we discuss it with the boys individually, they may understand as they already have commented that sis needs a female around since we are both concerned the boys will feel "left out".

I do have mixed emotions about this.

I am concerned that the structure that our D needs may not be there. I also don't like splitting up the family more than it has already.

On the other hand, this may be what my D needs. She misses her mom terribly. I could see her grades improving, her focus on personal health would improve and she would get more involved with activities.

Additionally, this could be great for my W as she is wanting to be involved more in our Ds life and is looking to help solve a problem that has gone on for two years now. Our D was aware of the problem before the boys were so she has been emotionally hurt for a long time.

This could lead to my W wanting to be involved in every aspect of the children's lives which would be fantastic for the kids. Their biggest hurt has been not feeling wanted by her and seeing her spend time with others over time with them.

One other concern that I have is if my W is doing this from a counseling perspective, that is, she is acting more as a therapist that believes she can fix someone as opposed to a mother being concerned about her D.

Then again, even if it is starting out this way, maybe she will move toward simply a caring and consoling parent.

And that would be the answer to one of my biggest prayers!