Trying2Live-New Post #2

[hope3343]

Hi all, well it is another day.

T2L and JGrind and all the others, first thank you for being a good friend and not making judgements. I took your advice today about exposure/ethics. As you know I sent a meeting notice to OW with subject line "ethics awareness", she opened it this morning. I know she was worried I would show up at her desk at 10:30...so at 10:15 I called her at her desk. I said you know who this is -- and she said yes. I told her that I have wanted to talk to her both as woman to woman and employee to employee. I asked if she would listen, she said yes.

I told her my H and myself had problems in our marriage but it had nothing to do with you at all till you involved yourself in our M. I will not make any excuses to you about what is private.

Then I started with ethical issues. I said you do understand that their are at least 2 other people (not really) that know about this and it has already been mentioned that you are on overtime and taking extremely long lunches and spending much time making personal calls on your cell phone. How does your boss (my H) justify paying you overtime. She said I dont know who is saying that but it is not true but she was nervous. Also did you realize that my H, your boss, was the most ethical man I ever knew and for him to have an affair with his direct report
will destroy him. Do you want to have both of you lose your jobs. I won't have to do a thing because both of you have gotten careless and others are watching BUT if I get called in on this I will not lie and just H's business cell phone records will condemn you both. Do you understand this. Are you listening -- yes.

Then OW says you have all of this wrong I don't know what you are talking about. (I think she was paranoid that I was recording this), so I said I am not recording this don't worry I have plenty of information about your A that I do not need a recorded conversation. Let her wonder about that.

Now as far as the A with your boss, my husband. I want you to know what your A has done to our family. This has been destroying my family. My children despise you. You can wear all of your holy medals and have a cross on your car mirror, but what are you praying for? That you will end up with my husband. You are praying for the wrong thing. You cannot ask God to bless an unholy union. But do you know that my daughter and I pray for you every day. We pray that you will realize your mistake and leave my H and find a man that is free to love you and be able to take you out without hiding in shame. This is what we pray for. Because even though my H was not happy, I have never saw him look worse than these past months and it is because of this dirty secret with you. H was always a good father and always taught his children to be honest and truthful and now his children have no respect because you have helped make him into a liar. The best thing you can do for H is to leave him and let him get his life sorted out with or without me. But I want you to know that I am standing for my marriage. My C told me that H has a choice and right now H has chosen not to work on his M.
But I know 6-8 months ago my H used to poke fun about all of your plastic surgery, that you had a butt implant and that he used to say you were not smart and I actually defended you. And look what happens H chose you. Free will so I know that free will can happen again. Then OW says (po'd) you have this all wrong, so I say STOP we both know you are lying so stop that nonsense, I am not looking for affirmation I am letting you know what impact you have had on all of this. If I had this all wrong why would you be hiding in your boss' bedroom closet at 8:30 at night-- so OW says I was not there, so I said well that's funny because your car was hidden behind the other building and we took plenty of pictures to add to the rest of the collection, you fool noone.

Finally, maybe you should know what you are getting into.
(she is a gold digger) H has over $40K in credit/car payment debt by himself, so all those nice things he has bought for you are not even paid for yet and H is only making minimum payments. As far as the big windfall you think H will get from a D well our 401K have dropped into the toilet and H will maybe get $5-$10K out of that maybe less (not even enough to pay a quarter of his bills) and our house after RE commission and closing we might make $10K each -- in 3 years since I am staying there. H has also had depression way before he met me so don't think it is because of my M. And I saw the bar set up and I know that you like to party and drink but my H has had serious issues with alcohol in the past and he recently told me that he didn't have a drinking problem but I made him think there was a problem all these years, but I am sure you are starting to experience all the fun with that.
Then I want you to be clear on this in case H did not mention it. This will NOT be a 60 day mediated Tx divorce. I will retain my own Atty and this will be a fault divorce and you will be named in the case for adultery. I have told H this twice and I will stand by that decision.
And if all this sordid mess makes my H take a job in another state -- shame on you because I know my H would not be able to live without contacting or having a relationship with his kids. This is what you have commited against our family. Does your grown children and mother know you are dating a M man and your boss at that? What would they think especially our mother and I know how to contact them. Then I asked what about Boyfriend, where is he (I think sometimes he might still be in the picture), I know he works in .... I sure would like to talk to him about his GF going out with my H. OW was dead silent. I said are you there? She said yes. I said good I am so done, I am hanging up now.

I then called and left a msg for H, saying I want you to know I contact OW and got to express what I felt about this unadmitted A. It is out in the open now and now you have to deal with whatever happens.

NOW I am done. If H does not serve me with D papers, maybe there is some chance, otherwise I stay detached for a bit because I think OW/H need to have each other and either they will both get depressed or this will drive them more together. The biggest factor is D15 will have NC and oldest D is coming in next month for Thanksgiving. I know the impact that will have on H.

My original bomb was 7/27 so it has not been 3 months as of yet. I think A started in June. I feel I have gotten my craziness out of my system especially that OW works here.

goal: stay connected to D's and continue to GAL for myself. I did manage to go to gym for 35 minutes with all of this going on.

Will respond to other posts later.