Almost 2 yrs Later

[RedHeadWife]

Well, here we are almost 2 yrs post bomb (it will be 2 yrs in January). I don't want to sound negative, but I still catch myself (1) wondering if he's cheating again and (2) sometimes almost expecting another bomb at any moment (like last night - see below), but otherwise, we're just great I do not dwell on these 2 things and immediately put a stop to my thoughts when they go that way, but it does still happen on a regular basis.

Last night was awful. Sons 2 & 4 would not go to bed (I thought of BBJ) and just kept messing around in their room & running down the hallway. After numerous trips to their room by both of us, H got seriously furious & went in there & sounded like a TI (military training instructor) hollering at them. He finally sent S2 in to sleep w/ me so they would be separated and he went to the couch. Made my stomach clench & my radar go up. Wondering why in the He!! he is deciding to sleep on the couch. (Also of course thinking that S2 is now going to figure if he screws around enough @ bed time he's going to get to sleep w/ mom every night - great!)

Anyway, I did a total 180 & just went to sleep & did not go in to where H was to ask what was up. Then, again, did a total 180 this a.m. and acted like nothing was wrong and didn't act like I was upset about what had happened. However, as mentioned above, I had noticed where H's cell was last night & looked to see if it had moved -- was he texting someone while on the couch last night? - that was my thought pattern -- the cell had not been moved. I went to work out at 5:30 a.m. and when I came back, he was up and, again, I just acted up-beat etc. & he was the one to bring up last night & we calmly discussed it.

I'm still working on the SSM part of our M. I make sure S happens as often as it should and will not allow myself to go back to how we were before (just pretty much not having it b/c I could live w/o it and was too tired etc. most of the time). I have ups & downs w/ this issue. I have found that there are times when I physically & mentally actually WANT S and times when I just "act as if" and make sure it's still happening -- I have found the more it happens, the more likely I am to enjoy it on a regular basis as well. Obviously, there are times when things are tense around the house (usually it seems the stress involves the boys) and it just doesn't happen, but I don't let many days go by w/o it happening.

I guess I should go back & say that the first paragraph here sounded kind of sarcastic when I said things were great. They honestly are in a lot of ways and/or most ways. The stress, etc. that we do have is normal every day life stuff. I have just learned, through DB & the whole D sitch, how to deal w/ things differently. It's always been like we feed off of each other. If one is in a bad mood/stressed or whatever, the other kind of follows . . . I've tried to stop that. Last night was a good example. He was in a bad mood from the time I got home from work until the whole bed time thing happened & I just was happy & sweet w/ the boys etc.

You know, sometimes I'm not happy either. I told him that during the D sitch -- I told him sometimes I don't like YOU! -- sometimes I would like to just drive away & keep driving, but that is NOT AN OPTION for me. I just keep working through everything and CHOOSING to love him no matter what happens.

[BobbiJo]

Hey Red! Since I am in the midst of my own "D sitch", could you tell me how your situation turned around? Or direct me to where I could read about it? Thanks. I know people often come back even after being in the "D sitch", but it is nice to hear from someone who has lived it.......

[daybyday]

i can relate to moods being intertwined with spouse. i still struggle with that. i guess its because i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop when w in down mood. but she just may be tired or something else. good for you being able to 180. sometimes being over analytical really hinders sitch.

[RedHeadWife]

I honestly do not know what changed my H's mind. He went back & forth and back & forth so many times, my head was spinning. What HE told me was that the reason he changed his mind was b/c "he loved me." I guess he just all of a sudden miraculously realized this or something.

As some background, he never left the house during our D sitch b/c he was due to be deployed for a year. After he was gone, I actually rec'd a bill from a L and it seems he visited w/ this L about a month or less before he "changed his mind." I think maybe reality set in is what really happened.

So, we were "ok" for only about a month before he left for his year.

I think to see my old posts, you can click on my name & get to them. Otherwise I'll try to get them at the bottom of my post, but I'm not really quite sure how to do that.

[sgctxok]

Finally

Homeward Bound

How Long?



Here's a few...I hope these help....let me know if you need something else or something different.

[Dr LOve]

How Long?



Here's a few...I hope these help....let me know if you need something else or something different.

Thanks sgctxok and Red...

helped me reading these again..

Doc

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Thanks sg! I knew I could count on you!

SMW

[RealJourney]

Hi Red, It sounds like you are doing a good job of talking yourself through the rough moments and trying to stay positive. I think those *alarm bells* will always be there, to a certain extent, as a way of protecting ourselves, but in time they begin to lessen in magnitude.

Hugs, RJ

[RedHeadWife]

Thanks, girl! Hope you're doing ok

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Red--

I found all of your threads and am working my way through them. some were only a few posts, so I did not save those. Do you want me to post all of the others? It will take me a day or two, because of school, but I can get it together for you to have. Since you and I were/are in similar situations, I wanted to read your journey.

SMW