Convinced my M is over; trying to move forward.

[Esky94]

Hey LE,

It's tough reading how your kids are in such pain. I'm in a different sitch, but there's two things my W did to help our girls cope.

When they come over to my house, she calls it "Sleepover at daddy's!!!" And there's some enthusiasm in her voice. Since then, the oldest one is now thinking because my house is owned (by the bank) and W's is rented, she should start calling my place "home". I'm not sure what to do with that, but I'm sticking to Sleepover at Daddy's for now.

We have a communication book that gets filled in with what the kids have done day to day and any relevant health, educational or development notes. This gets called "The Team Book" and is a 70 page school notebook that is covered with Disney Princess book cover paper. (I have two girls)

It's interesting how calling something that's so "divorce" oriented like "custody" and "communication book" sounds so much nicer if you call it "sleepover at daddy's" and "team book".

Taking the sting out of things. Every little bit helps.

Enjoy your kid's sleepovers.

[Tawnya]

Esky..that's a really neat way to handle it..I commend you and your wife for handling things that way for your kids..

Tawnya

[marriedCrazy]

Wow, Esky, that's some great way to deal. I like it. I might steal and use it at some point.

[Little Engine]

Good morning. I talked to S & D last night and things were better. S was doing homework and D was a little more chatty than usual. We talked about the new American Girl catalog. D loves any doll that looks like her, so we discussed Coconut. D asked all of her usual questions. What color eyes, what color hair, and does she have bangs. Then out of the blue D asks, "Is her skin lighter than mine or the same or darker?" Made me laugh, she is all about details. Didn't talk to wife at all, hooray!

[marriedCrazy]

Great to hear about the kids feeling normal. Great to hear that you didn't have to talk to the W. I wish mine would leave the house so I didn't have to talk or see her.

[Little Engine]

My wife can't hold down a job either.

My W makes it about three or four years and then implodes!

And that is exactly how I would describe my W. Very interesting term "woman-child"!?

It came from a song. I can't remember where I heard it, I thought America or CS&N/CSNY, but thinking maybe it was Baby, Don't Get Hooked On Me, by Mac Davis. "Girl, you're a hot-blooded woman child..." It struck a chord at the time and has been with me ever since.

how she acted like such a complete child about emotions and such. (I feel weird talking about this...but anyway.) And it seemed like his anger over infidelity was to be put away because of all her "issues." Nothing was ever quite her responsibility.

Like it was all OM's fault that she strayed? I guess I have travelled that same road if that is what you mean breakaway. My W blamed me for everything and never took responsibility for her actions. I think James and Tom have both echoed those feelings. Our W's can't be the ones who caused the problem.

What does your W say when you share that your kids don't want to be around OM? or that you don't like it?

W won't listen to me or believe that this is wrong for the children. It is her life and when they are with her they are her kids! Never does she consider what the kids are comfortable with. She tried to counter my argument about taking them to see him by asking S "I asked you guys if it was OK?" I countered with "If you have to ask if it is OK, then it is not OK!" OM has children that are around our kids' ages, so W uses going to play with OM's kids as a way to forward her relationship with OM. W met OM on a Friday and I think the following Monday she took our kids to an aquatic center where she met up with him and his kids! KOOKY!

Yes it is, i know i catch myself alot overlooking things that people that dont understand and think im stupid.

I have done this as well, and still do when I think maybe there is a shot a saving our M. I can overlook so many of the crazy things W has done and said to me. Sadly, I cannot think how our M would be if we were to reconcile now. I see no chance of that happening. I don't think I even want a friendship with her anymore. We will deal with raising our kids and outside of that, I could probably handle never seeing her again. I can't explain how my feelings have changed so quickly, but it has to do with accepting that she will never change. Why would I want to be around someone who thinks infidelity is the solution to a problem? Why would I want someone who would accept that hurting her children is OK if it gets her what she wants? I really feel like I have no choice but to get out to save myself!

[Babygirl]

Morning LE. its windy and freezing here, I am miserable!!

glad you got to have a good talk with the kiddos. I pray for you every day my friend, you are an amazing father, and deserve a woman who will treat you right!!

[TxMomw/2girls]

LE

My D last night was looking through the American Girl catalog too that we got in the mail.. pointing out the one she wants... her b-day is coming up .... she was trying to find one that had her exact color of hair... so funny and cute...

so glad you didn't talk to W and that kids seemed better.... you do sound like you are finished in your heart.... as a Mom it pains me the choices she is making and that she is flaunting the OM in front of your kids...

My H is with our kids all weekend this weekend (first time Friday -Sunday), I'm out of town, and my C yesterday told me to be prepared that he could meet up with OW this weekend... she just didn't think he'd be able to go the whole weekend with out seeing OW.... she suggested I say something before I leave but unsure... will it stop him? probably not... I feel that is my line drawn in the sand and I wouldn't be able to ever take H back if he feels it is OK for our kids to be around OW... there is no benefit in this happening so soon.. I guess we'll see.. I'm not talking to H this week anyhow.. I was short and asked nothing last night when he asked to talk to me after talking with D.... I am still so hurt at what happened on Sunday and the mean words.. I can't move pass this and that he thinks it is ok and that he doesn't have to apologize for it... in 10 years he has never treated me bad, mean, or said horrible things to me and last two months he has been so cruel... kick us when we are down.. OK enough about me on this.. went off a little..

LE you have the kids this weekend right? plans?

[Little Engine]

TXMom--That is OK to vent. I hate the words "'New' normal" but really that is what I am going through and all of us here have had our world blown apart by this. I just spent an hour with a woman talking about adopting children from Liberia--yes I have the weirdest job in the world--and how their practices aren't above board in taking children from their birth parents. Absolutely tragic stories of parents clinging to children and not wanting to leave to come to the U.S. My heart immediately goes out to my kids who are suffering because their M feels that she has done everything she can to save our marriage and that it isn't salvageable. I hate the OM, like you hate the OW.

Take some consolation in the fact that OW might see your girls and realize what an awful person she is for getting involved with your H. You never know how God works in these situations.

I do not have the kids this weekend. They are going to see a football game with their M at her college. I don't think OM is going, but I wouldn't be surprised. He is an idiot! So is your H's OW! I am angry with all OM/OW today!

[A in Ohio]

It's amazing how the OW/OM have no conscious. My Ws OM knows I would whup his a$$(known him for years). W knows that too! I've grown up a lot and realize that wouldn't do any good.

That's all long gone now. Let's not let others bother who we are. Yah it hurts but F them is what I say.

LE - Hang in there bro.