The attorney said if we both agree to terms, he can have the agreements filled out in a few days' time. Then he would go before the judge, if the two of us are in agreement on everything we don't even have to go to court, just the attorney. The judge signs off and we are D. There is a 90 day waiting period, but if both parties agree to waive it, you are divorced the day he goes before the judge. Attorney said he is booked until first week of November, but he could do it then and be done within a week if we agree on things...
I am having a rough day...
I am a Christian and I took (take) my vows very seriously. I never intended to get a D, even though my H has been unfaithful and I know that gives me Biblical grounds. However, I am not at all comfortable with being the one to file. I know it is not important in some ways who actually files, but to me it is.
B/C I do not want this D. I have prayed not to get a D. And now that it is here, I am trying to accept it. I believe it says in the Bible that if your spouse asks you for a divorce you should grant it. But it doesn't say if your spouse asks for a divorce you should go file yourself.... as you can see I am struggling.
One of my favorite pastors on the radio had a message last April/May that caught my attention. He said that if your spouse asks you for a divorce, you should let them go. You should not kick, scream, drag them through the mud, etc. It doesn't mean you aren't standing for your marriage. You can choose to remain single after marriage, you can choose to honor your vows if you want, etc. But it is not honorable to punish the other person. But he did seem to make the point that if your spouse wants to leave, they should leave and take the actions, you would just honor those actions or whatever.
Last night H said again that he has ZERO plans to get a lawyer. He says it will be cheaper if he doesn't get one. He just wants me to go and work out the agreement with my attorney and he will sign it. I told him that meant I would have to serve him and I didn't want to do that. He asked if he could just use my lawyer but I said now that I have consulted with him (I did NOT hire him/give him a retainer though), I don't think he could hire him.
H is also upset that I don't want to co-sign. He says he will not be able to buy a place without my help and if he waits to buy a house after the D is in the works it is very hard to get a home loan while in the midst of a D and splitting up assets. He said he will have to sell off cows/tractor/truck or cash out his 401 K to get a house if I don't help him. I told him that was a choice he was making when he decided to end the marriage...He said he would just get a small 2 bedroom rental in town then. I said that those were crappy and I would not want my children living there with him....
I am pretty sure the bloom is off the rose for H. I said, "Did you think a D would be fun, easy, or convenient?"
