Living with disdain (OK, I avoided the word hate)

[sofaraway]

Hey FIB, I don't even know what to say at this point except try and keep your chin up buddy. I also want to make sure you know we are all here for you through all of this. If you need anything at all, Frank D can point the way.....


Ian

[ford]

wow, what a guilt filled post.

maybe it isn't a matter of being strong, but rather good common sense.

you can jump in front of a bus as long as like, but the mofo is still going to run you over.

FIB

this sucks, no two ways about it. in a perfect world, we wouldn't have this crap happen.

2.5 years of abuse. you proved yourself.

lord know I wish you whatever is best and gives you happiness and you kids peace.

it isn't a "strength" thing.

sucking up years of ABUSE serves what purpose?

she doesn't have cancer, she isn't mentally ill.

she is what she is.

and the kids are watching.

[frank_D]

Get another tape recorder.

[ford]

nothing wrong with an anti cockold tape. you have something better in mind?

[frank_D]

nothing wrong with an anti cockold tape. you have something better in mind?

She stole his previous digital recorder. I thing having some of her verbally abusive audio has some merit.

[ford]

ahhhhhh

missunderstood your post, frank.

totally agree.

hope you're doing well.

[FaithfulH]

ford,

This isn't about guilt....or abuse...or proving oneself...or victimhood...it's about forgiveness and love...pure and simple. I can't even fathom the pain you have endured which would lead you to your conclusion.

[faithisbelieving]

In the courthouse. The lake....the leaves are now changing. I still sit here in disbelief. It still is a nightmare....still hurts....mostly when I hold my children

Thanks so much for your support. It means so much.
FIB

[Bworl]

I would just say that FIB has done NOTHING that was unforgiving or unloving in regards to his wife.

The flip side to that is that she has also done NOTHING to indicate an interest in healing the rift between them.

Her actions are NOT the actions of a woman who WANTS to come back, but feels her husband has moved on. They are NOT.

Her actions are self-indulgent and self-justifying. She has turned the tables on FIB with her accusations NOT because she wants back in and is hurt that he is done, but because it plays well for her and allows her to point fingers at him and away from herself.

There has been NO remorse for her actions, not even a simple apology for breaking their marital vows.

No, it is clear that this woman has not recanted her actions/words one little bit. Every thing she says now, that some interpret as "baby steps" or perhaps a sadness that the marriage has ended, is instead nothing more than a calculated plan to cover her own backside and hurt FIB as much as possible in the process.

Phoenix has written on another thread that there are many on this board who go way beyond what is rational or healthy in clinging to a spouse who has made it clear that they are done. I agree. Standing or not standing is a personal decision that is made based upon the COMPLETE knowledge that each of us have of our OWN situations.

There is no cookie cutter mold that works for every situation. And no, I'm sorry to say, not every marriage CAN be saved. Ultimately it takes two people to make that happen. Sometimes your spouse simply refuses to come back to that point.

We should be as careful about our standing as we are about our surrendering to the inevitable, that is true. We can stand in a toxic way just as we can choose to move on for the wrong reasons. Both sides are dangerous.

I honestly believe that FIB has done as much as could have been done.

I also believe that were he to continue hanging on to the hope that his wife will return, if he were to allow the status to remain quo so to speak, he would simply endure more pain, more betrayal, and eventually break.

It's time for his wife to be gone, to do all the wonderful things that she thinks life has in store for her as a single woman. It's time for her to find out just what she once had in her marriage with FIB.

I too believe in miracles. I too value the preciousness of marriage. I too wish and pray that every situation on this board would resolve favorably. Two years here has shown me that it simply does not happen all the time.

A miracle can still happen here.

But if it does, I believe it will be long AFTER the divorce.

And there is nothing to be gained by suggesting in any way that FIB should continue to endure life with a person who has long ago abandoned him emotionally and physically.


Blessings FIB,

Bill

[FaithfulH]

I would just say that FIB has done NOTHING that was unforgiving or unloving in regards to his wife.

I rarely post on FIB's thread (although we have regular contact off the board) because I shudder at the inevitable response of the "move on" crowd that jumps in to rationalize Divorce. That is not what this site is about...there are other places for that. Your opening premise is flawed...not even FIB would make this statement.

Perhaps part of the problem is that we all project our own sitches onto others. Maybe the "standers" are recruiting others to stand like them? What of those that have endured divorce. Nobody is recommending "clinging" to our spouses. What good comes from dire predictions of FIB's W's motives and thought processes? Have you met her? I see LOTS of encouraging signs in her actions. Is she perfect? Far from it...as are we all.

Sorry...just trying to be one of the few voices trying to encourage FIB (and others) that there are some out here who believe contrary to the "move on" mentality.