Starting from scratch

[RedHeadWife]

I'm not trying to be negative about all of this. I feel like that is the way I came across.

DB'ing is a lifestyle though in my opinion. It is a way to keep our M's alive and good for both parties. Unfortunately, WE as the LBS are the ones always DB'ing, but I feel that the WAS will respond to our efforts. It may take awhile to actually "see" the WAS putting forth effort, but obviously it is worth it in the end.

Also, in some ways, once we have been living our lives and treating our M's in a "DB'ing manner," it will become effortless on our part. The positive changes we have made in ourselves will become the "new" person we are and we won't even think about acting in our "old ways."

Also, remember that figuring out what your S's love language is is also pretty important. Your S usually treats YOU in the way that is THEIR love language, so if you both don't have the same love language, you may not be responding or recognizing their efforts to love you in the way they know how to or want to be loved in. I think you can kind of hint around or show your S your love language or, once you feel more comfortable in the R/M, you can even share the book w/ them and discuss it.