I would just say that FIB has done NOTHING that was unforgiving or unloving in regards to his wife.
The flip side to that is that she has also done NOTHING to indicate an interest in healing the rift between them.
Her actions are NOT the actions of a woman who WANTS to come back, but feels her husband has moved on. They are NOT.
Her actions are self-indulgent and self-justifying. She has turned the tables on FIB with her accusations NOT because she wants back in and is hurt that he is done, but because it plays well for her and allows her to point fingers at him and away from herself.
There has been NO remorse for her actions, not even a simple apology for breaking their marital vows.
No, it is clear that this woman has not recanted her actions/words one little bit. Every thing she says now, that some interpret as "baby steps" or perhaps a sadness that the marriage has ended, is instead nothing more than a calculated plan to cover her own backside and hurt FIB as much as possible in the process.
Phoenix has written on another thread that there are many on this board who go way beyond what is rational or healthy in clinging to a spouse who has made it clear that they are done. I agree. Standing or not standing is a personal decision that is made based upon the COMPLETE knowledge that each of us have of our OWN situations.
There is no cookie cutter mold that works for every situation. And no, I'm sorry to say, not every marriage CAN be saved. Ultimately it takes two people to make that happen. Sometimes your spouse simply refuses to come back to that point.
We should be as careful about our standing as we are about our surrendering to the inevitable, that is true. We can stand in a toxic way just as we can choose to move on for the wrong reasons. Both sides are dangerous.
I honestly believe that FIB has done as much as could have been done.
I also believe that were he to continue hanging on to the hope that his wife will return, if he were to allow the status to remain quo so to speak, he would simply endure more pain, more betrayal, and eventually break.
It's time for his wife to be gone, to do all the wonderful things that she thinks life has in store for her as a single woman. It's time for her to find out just what she once had in her marriage with FIB.
I too believe in miracles. I too value the preciousness of marriage. I too wish and pray that every situation on this board would resolve favorably. Two years here has shown me that it simply does not happen all the time.
A miracle can still happen here.
But if it does, I believe it will be long AFTER the divorce.
And there is nothing to be gained by suggesting in any way that FIB should continue to endure life with a person who has long ago abandoned him emotionally and physically.
Blessings FIB,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."