Trying2Live-New Post #2

[hope3343]

T2L, and others I have had the worst night since this all happened.
yes I blew it totally. I was planning on possibly going to the irish dancing tonight and then I got a call from one of my best friends in CT and she is going for an operation and have a bunch of intestines removed and there is a tumor and it looks like it is cancer. She has been a ROCK for me with all of this going on. I was so upset. I took a walk on the beach and was crying and upset.

I tried to call H to let him know because he really likes her, both phones no answer which means H is with OW. I pick up D15 and then H calls I answer and said look I don't need to talk to you now especially since you are with Ow. H says no I'm not I am on the computer. I said you are either at your apt or her house. H says no, then I start to tell him about our friend and I hear a voice in the back. I said got to go, maybe me and D will stop by.

My D15 is furious and says lets take a ride by (he lives less than a mile from our house), we see his car and then I drive around the back of the next building and her car is there. Well the 100% east coast Italian came out (T2L as you mentioned the rage-aholic which has not happened in years. We get out of the car and go up to his apt door. We hear him talking to OM and he is saying "W said either I was at OW's house or OW was here" and I hear OW say, Oh she wont do anything (that is because to date I have been TOTALLY professional at work)-- well I was not at work no more.

I knock at the door, and all goes quiet. H shuts off music and I hear someone running. So I said we came over to visit let us in. No answer. I said D is with me. Where is OW? H opens the door and he thinks that D is not there. H says noone is here, (the apt was a mess and he has a whole bar set up on the counter), H is shocked when D15 says Daddy you are a liar and I have no respect for you. I walk in the living room and H says you have to leave, OW is in the bedroom closet because I heard something fall in there.
I call out come out OW we need to talk. Does your daughters and mother know you are dating your boss and that he is married? What a fine example of a mother. Then I said how could you be paid overtime when you are taking super long lunches with your boss and spending hours everyday on your personal cell phone. I paid a private investigator very well. Then I said that is fine, H is in conference offsite tomorrow and I will be your desk to ask in a very ethical way how you could be dating my husband and he is your boss.

I leave and then I call H, he says this is all about you want me back, I said that marriage is dead I never want to go back to it. you were unhappy but I was unhappy too. But instead of working on the marriage you had an affair. I said you used to make fun of OW and said she was stupid sometimes and that you could see the plastic surgery in her face, etc. I said if you are in love with her go ahead -- spend more time with her. But if you can't take her out in public and have to hide her because you are her boss you will never be happy. This R has a black cloud all over it. Next time you look at her remember your daughters'.. Go out keep drinking, party, have your A, but when the morning comes and you look in the mirror you know what you have done.
I said more choice things, then H says he blames me that D15 came to house. I told him she wanted too. So D gets on the phone and says Dad the only one to blame is you. I hate OW, I hate what you did to our family. This is my choice. Don't blame Mom...then she texts him. Don't call me or text me. I do not respect you. I am upset with your actions and your lies. I totally blame you because of your actions.

I also sent a meeting notice to OW from my computer with the subject "ethics awareness" at your desk for 10 am tomorrow just to freak her out.

I know it is wrong and maybe there is no going back. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I was so upset about my friend and lost it but lost total control.
Well obviously it will be totally black for me. NC at all. Now OW has him all the time since H (who was a work-aholic) no longer spends all his time working since he did not get SR mgr position (which sent him into the MLC spin) and now his family has shut him down. They deserve each other.

And I was doing well. If anything in my mind thousands of times I would think of confrontation with OW, well it happened even if she never came out of the closet. At least she realizes that I am a "little nuts" so she will not be so sure of herself anymore.

I do have to say this has totally gotten over my obsession with all of this.

Tomorrow? Concentrate on my girls totally and continue to work on myself. I am totally shut down. Sorry to be such a disappointment to the board but I know we support each other- good, bad and ugly.