BBJ, I think you are doing the responsible thing given your predicament as John and Woong point out. In Purple's predicament (and mine) its even worse as by law there usually a split down the middle, and the offending party walks away with a huge prize and you do not have a choice in the matter. It is clearly H's decision to walk away and split the family not yours. I spent many months hoping for someone or some event to intercede and inject some sense into my WAW but it never seems to happen even over a long time. However, these people seek out only others who reinforce their thinking that if you aren't happy get out and with as much as you can get. There's no will in them to keep the family together. Often they are mentally and emotionally sick from guilt/depression/low self-esteem, etc. I have let my WAW push the process forward tho' its extremely difficult to sustain yourself in this mode given how emotionally drained you already are from dealing with this person.
So here's my suggestion in your case. Get the D lawyer (better a mediator+lawyer) to draw up a financial and custodial legal settlement that's acceptable and fair to you up front and have H agree to it even before or at least at the same time you 'file' the divorce 'petition'. This agreement should account for all joint assets. The law is very simplistic in this regard (split down the middle in most states). I'm saying this because once the 'filing' happens the process tends to get very hostile and if there's no agreement in place it could get unnecessarily expensive, unpleasant and drag on for months. And the lawyers fuel the fire some more. My W 'filed', then emptied our joint bank accounts (an example of 'unpleasant' and 'hostile'). Once you 'file' or he 'files' be prepared to walk through hell unless you have that agreement in place. I think you are already working along these lines but remember that once two lawyers get going its going to be bloody.
