I need help with this!

[faithrunner]

Sandi!

Thank you again for your insights. I misunderstood the "drop the rope" term. I meant that I am detaching and no longer pursuing, or trying to pull him in. I am certainly not at the place of letting go, and I am glad you pointed that out. We also went through the "rewriting history" phase when this all began a year ago, and I was waist-deep in the begging, pleading, and lecturing stage. That stunk. I'm happy to be past that. He is being totally secretive about his contact with OW, so he doesn't talk about comparisons to me at all.

I thought tonight was positive. He called me at work this afternoon and announced that I was "the proud owner of a new Iphone", that he was having programmed at that moment. He has one and loves it (a little addicted to it, if you ask me). He said we have a family plan, sharing minutes btw the two of us (we had been on separate plans until this) and whenever he and I talk the minutes are free. I was surprised that he picked a shared plan, and that he pointed out how our conversations wouldn't eat at our minutes. Will we be talking a lot? I hope so!

So we were able to sit together and program the phone for a while tonight after the kids were in bed and that was fun. I took Sandi's suggestion and decided to focus our discussion things going on for him at work, school, etc. His affect completely changed. It was like he couldn't get excited about anything in his world, and he kept trying to steer the discussion back to my phone and my work day.

Sandi, I am going to heed your advice to Hope as well. I will not let the OW bring out the worst in me. I know I can outshine her, and I am thinking about starting a journal to focus my goals a bit. Between the three kids and work, my brain is mush! Any good idea I have is lost 2 minutes later, LOL!

Thank you so much for spending your valuable time with us, Sandi! You are an angel!