I have pretty much decided that I am NOT going to see a change in him. So I am working on myself, with the assumption that my marriage will never change in the ways I would like to see. My hope is that I will become a better person, and live up to my vows, and gain some sort of contentment and peace in the face of loneliness and frustration, without seeking that intimacy from men other than my husband and without feeling like I have become a martyr.
You are dead ON, that I am not only sex-starved but desperately intimacy-starved. Last time I tried to explain that to my husband, he suggested I "plant a flower, or go shopping, or something."
You are right, I should start my own thread. Actually, I did, a few days ago, and then I thought, "geez! when he reads that, he will have a fit!" so I decided to take it down, for now at least. I think I am too upset to speak well about it--and the whole story is so convoluted and long, and as a woman it is just mortifying,too.
After all, you guys are SUPPOSED to be chasing us around the bed, right? and we are SUPPOSED to be coy. Man, I would give anything for that.
Or almost anything. I realized, at about the last possible minute, that I would not give up my marriage for that feeling of being wanted and feminine. But what a crap trade-off. I thought I would have that WITHIN my marriage.
I am working on calming down, through counseling and other stuff. And much of the whole story is sexually-tinged, so seeing it online for all the world to see---ugh. I did not want to leave it there.
Perhaps at some point I will get the courage to post a thread for myself.
