So, I'm more than convinced now more than ever that she is only interested in staying here until she can find someone she can snare into taking her in.
I found her profile on ehar&*(y. She is lying again to try and hook up with a man. She is selling herself out as something she's not. She has the audacity to say that she hates liars and anyone lying to her doesn't stand a chance; but she's lying about her education, the fact that she's NOT single, and a few other things. This kind of stuff just makes me want to puke. And quit. But I can't, I've got responsibilities and she doesn't for the most part.
To me right now, it almost seems an impossible task to get through to her. I know that it's about bettering me; but tonight it feels like I'm up against a wall that is too hard to climb out. What really gets me are these things: she describes that she wants a man at least 3 inches taller than me. In the past she has put me down for being shorter than her when she wears heels; so I guess that means she can no longer be in love with me. Another thing is why won't she just end it before moving on with another man?
I've been having good days mixed with bad days. I want to do the Love Dare; but I have no idea how it will be received given the current situation with her searching love as a "single" gal online. She sure seems hellbent on finding someone else. There are times that I want her to leave so I can find peace in all of this. But she won't leave, she doesn't have the money to leave. I guess there will come a time when the person/s she hooks up with will figure out that she's been lying and I'm sure that won't be pretty. But I can hold out hope for that.
She wears her rings sometimes; sometimes she doesn't. I think she does it around me to give me false hope that she still wants the M. And she will if she can't convince anyone to take her. I've thought about blocking dating sites on my network; but I would rather that she live out this fantasy to see how it pans out. She's going to be in contact with men who are not going to be happy that she's misled them. They've paid good money to find a loving partner and the one that finds her is going to get more than she bargained for.
So, I've got to get the BK rolling so that I can file for D if I need to. I don't want to; but I've got to protect my children.
In the meantime, I'm still going to review my goals, chart my progress, and continue working on GAL. The latter is tough with me taking on the primary responsibility of taking care of the kids. I've left in God's hands and so for that fact I won't meddle in her affairs. She's on her own for that.
Thanks. I think I'll stay here in Infidelity. I need the help that you guys can give me.
