I need help with this!

[sandi2]

Hi faithrunner and hope3343, well I'm back and I had a pretty good day, but am tired and I'm going to try to discipline myself to not stay on the board a long time tonight. I wanted to say something regarding "dropping the rope". I can't remember which one of you used the term (maybe more than once) that made me wonder if you realized that was the very last straw to use in DBing. When you drop the rope, that means you are through trying to fight for the M to work, and you are through trying to make him see what a wonderful person you are and what a lucky man he is to have you and what a fool he would be to give all that up. It means that you are completely turning him lose and moving on with your life. A lot of women even go see a lawyer or some even file for D. But, I hope that you will just work on detaching, first, before you feel it is time to "drop the rope" and let him go. As I said, it is the last straw and although some WAS's have said that is what shook some sense into them.....it doesn't work that way on everyone, so be sure you are ready to let him go on without you when you make that step. It is a big risk and that is why it should be used only when all else has failed.

Faith, I really think you stand a very good chance in your H coming to his senses, but it will take some time. I do think he is being fed something emotionally that he needs from this older woman.......and believe me, her ego is sure being fed by a younger man being interested in her! He is right, looks seldom play a part in these affairs, but the two of you have a history together where the two of them don't. That is a lot to think about. However, don't be surprised if he doesn't try to rewrite some of that history, if he is in MLC.

I hope you will do your best to follow the do's and don'ts of DBing I gave you and really work toward becoming a more fun person and just generally improve your personality and attractivness the best you can. We never reach a point that we couldn't use a little improvement, but it needs to be for you.....not a ploy to get him back.....or it won't stick and you will find yourself in this mess again. The time he will be away from you will be hard, but by the time he comes back home, hopefully the affair will have run its course and he will be through this "crises" and ready to be the H you have always loved. As you keep contact with him, you will need to be careful not to pour your heart out to him out of your lonliness. Again, that is why you need to fill your life up with other things to do. He doesn't want a "poor, pitiful, me" wife writing to him. (Not that you would....just making a point.)

Hope3343, you certainly have a "challenge" to say the least! However, I get the impression you cam be a strong willed person and you can handle this b/c you know what is at stake here. The fact that you have to see this OW at the office is terrible, but we females know how to get the man we want, don't we? Sure, we do! We outshine the OW!! You can do this. You can be more attractive in your looks and your behavior than the OW and that is what your H needs to see in your actions and hear in your voice and certainly see in your sex appeal. Be careful and don't allow the OW to bring out the worst in you. That is our problem a lot of times. We are mad at her, and what the two of them are doing, but it makes us look awful and she comes out looking like a peach. So, don't allow that to happen. I know you have a fighting spirit, but you can fight in a way that only women understand (lol). Seriously, that is the best way......to be the better woman and if your H is too blind to see it.....then it is his loss and he will forever regret that mistake! Go to work, girlfriend. You can do this!

Both of you take good care. Eat a good diet, sleep plenty of hours and exercise (especially) to keep the stress and frustration from showing up on you.

Sandi