I found that, in the beginning, no R talk was the best way to go. Just kind of go w/ the flow. Continue w/ the changes that you made for the better and just keep working & worrying about YOU.
You said something about her feeling like she has control in your M -- don't allow her to feel this way. You need to continue to DB even after the bomb has been extinguished. Continue to work out and feel good about YOU. When you feel good about yourself, you won't worry about whether she has "control" or not b/c you don't care about that. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm also thinking like a "girl" in the fact that when I feel good about myself physically, meaning I've been working out & I'm looking good, I feel more powerful myself b/c I feel good about myself -- see? So if you feel good about yourself, you aren't worrying about her.
I've had a few breakdowns since he's been back and even a few over web cam while he was gone (a month after H decided to "stay," he was deployed for a year). The last time, he said that he was sick of being slapped in the face w/ what he did & I told him that's not what I'm doing, it just still hurts me -- THIS IS ABOUT ME!! not necessarily what you did, but how I still feel about it. I think we LBS are allowed these moments every once in awhile. Now if we do it constantly, that would definitely get old and I can't see the WAS sticking around for that.
Ok, just a few thoughts after I read your thread.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
