WAW Won't Communicate At All

[cotoffgard]

We haven't even gone through the discovery phase yet, so I'm counting my lucky stars. Our case is almost a slam dunk since we don't have children or real estate (renting since we moved to SoCal...was going to wait out the market to buy at the bottom), so a court hearing might not even be necessary.

For your hearing, I'm not suggesting that you not show remorse but for you to appear humble yet upbeat, as if you've come to terms with D as the final outcome, as if you're moving on with your life and are at peace with her decision. You've already apologized countless times, so you don't have to walk in there with your tail between your legs. Remember, the D hearing is business. She's probably expecting you to come to table with some type of emotion, so the cooler and calmer, the better. Don't give her what she expects.

I've beaten myself up to an emotional bloody pulp the first month after she ran away + filed for D for all of my "contributions" to the failed M. Shortly after, I started comparing my sitch to couples who split because of much worse offenses like physical abuse, drugs, alcohol, etc. and pondered, "Am I really such an evil person who deserves such punishment? Did the time fit the crime?". Regardless of what the answers truly end up to be, I guess I was searching for a way to forgive myself, and I think that's what you need to be searching for as well. From what I recall, your dalliances were EA's at worst and didn't progress to PA's, so be proud/relieved about that. Also, all of the typical DAM stuff (controlling behavior, lack of communication, etc.) were not because you intended to inflict harm. Rather, it was because you were ill-equpiped to show her how much you loved her the way she wanted you to.

In the end, neither one of you are bad people, just bad communicators who let things escalate to unmanageable levels.