>>How long do you think you are going to need to keep on about it?<<

Max, it really can take a long time for some people. My H's first affair took me 5 years to work through (and that one was mostly an EA!!!) But I agree with you that blame and anger make it very difficult to reconcile and begin creating a new realtionship. Also, not working out those emotions in a healthy manner can poison the new relationship...

However, the level of hurt, pain and anger can be unbeliavable. It's not something easily let go of. Can take a lot of time. BC.... try to keep in mind it does take time. Also, it might not be a bad idea for you individually to see a therapist (someone pro-marriage) who you can talk this stuff out with. It may help you release some of the bile (figureatively speaking). Stuff like this is always worth the cost, particularly if it can save you from the bigger cost of a D.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.