Trying2Live-New Post #2

[AllW8SBF]

WOW this is great thread. Hope don't you love how something as simple as a prayer can dissolve the anger away at least for a little bit.

Thanks T2L for the prayer, it's great.

As for me I waited till I was married to have sex. DH on other hand was very active. We met online. We dated for 1 1/2 yrs before getting engaged, during our engagement we split because I wouldn't give it up. He came back. I think this is as you put it I was strong and confident. But he believes I held off because of religion and I insist it was more because I didn't want to give up something I could NEVER get back to someone who would just leave.
We married, he says I'm great at bj but no passion in our sex, I dress up (it's needed for him) and we have done EVERYTHING even things I will probably go to Hell for.
3 months after marriage he was diagnosed manic depressive.
4 yrs in he had EA with a woman from Virgina(OWV) he met on line - HE CHATS ALL THE TIME.
We separated and even after all that OWV wouldn't meet dh. He just told me she said he was crazy for doing that - but they still talk and she says she regrets saying no.

He didn't come back right away after that, H slept with OW to fix pain. Then had revelation that me and the dog is where he belonged - a family. We had gone through MC and I made changes as it seemed more fixed towards me - I relied on parents too much and not him.

A one night stand in between - he worked out of town M-Th for a years time.

Then jump to now - he quit his job and was home all day everyday, depressed cause he couldn't get a job. Met OW online that lived close and started a PA. OW is in sexless marriage.

OW and H got in a little spit because he found out she was seeing some OM. Then H and I went to Vegas with my p's. OW called H and asked if we had sex, we had, so OW got upset. Causing another spit between H and OW. H got worried he was going to lose OW to OM (I know this is crazy), so the worrying weighed on him.
He broke and told me of Affair and how he's been unfaithful all his life and always will be. Says I don't deserve this, I didn't sign up for a cheating H and I'd be better off without him. Our Marriage is over.
I listened in shock. Listened more got mixed messages of marriage is over and that he would like to fix it. H tried ending it with OW. H couldn't get over OW, or how she could get over H so fast. OW kept hanging around, H would go back, back and forth back and forth.

I had said it's over (I've changed my mind since but I have not told him that) I think he knows I want to work things out but not sure.
Up until this week, H would say things that sounded like he wants to work it out BUT now it's he's moved on. He's got a profile up on yahoo personals - if you care to look - search m Algonquin IL 34-35 - his name is Chris.

He tells me EVERYTHING without me asking. He originally told me he was so picky on what he listed in his profile only 4 choices came up and none he liked. Now he says there is one but he hopes he didn't push to hard.

He is going to a counselor on Friday. I've been talking to DB coach Cheryl. She wanted me to initiate sex but he has not given me the opportunity. He's always chatting.

So what do you girls think? Messed up I know. I know where I failed and am trying to work on those things.
*Brushed things under the rug - avoid conflict didn't want to be controlling in certain ways but the irony is I was in others.
*Did everything myself - didn't ask for help
*Controlled sex so much I didn't / couldn't enjoy still don't know how - this will take a while to figure out.
*Didn't talk to anyone in public - not bubbly friendly.

Currently we are living together as roommates in the same bed, but that's it. Oh I make dinner. But WE do all the other household stuff together. And I ask for help more.

GAL - well I don't think I'm doing anything he would see as eye opening. I'm going to the gym but I love the gym so was going before but stopped for a month or so. And that is really it.
I missed church now 2 weeks in a row so I need to get back there. I was trying to join a volleyball league but they started up earlier and won't be taking new people till Jan. I love volleyball - figure I can meet people that way.

And as I said I am reading a book called 7 Days to Sex Appeal and put some of that to the test last weekend when I went down to the hotel bar we were staying at on a trip.

That's all about me.