Actually, she is getting ready to have a stroke if the doctors don't get whatever the problem is under control. H told me about it when they had to call the ambulance for her a few months ago. I guess I'm suppossed to have sympathy or something. I honestly don't wish her any ill will, I just have no feelings about it one way or the other.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
I woke up at 3 this morning. I don't know why. Just woke. So my head has sort of been going and I wanted to clear it. One of you ladies called OW(?)my competition. Well I don't look at her that way anymore. I have spent my whole life competing for something I could never seem to get. Growing up, it was to be loved by my parents. Even as an adult, I am the most successful of the 5 of us, the most stable, but I still can't seem to be good enough for them. With H, I always felt like i was in a competition for his attention, with whatever he was showing interest in that day. Whether it was my son, OW, TV, fishing, work, school. I just have never been good enough to even warrant a little bit of attention. At least that is how I have felt. I can't do that to myself anymore. So the reality is I don't really care what she looks like, how she makes him feel, how special she is because it serves me no purpose.
Changes I'm making are for me. If it benefits my M, that is great. If it doesn't, well I will know I am a better person because I have cleared away a lot of my crap. I am pursuing my dreams, finally. I know what my personal path is right now and we will see what the future holds.
The alien returned yesterday. Just anger. I could almost care less as I expected it after Monday. Just going along. If H ever decides to join real life again that will be his choice.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Hope you were able to get a little more sleep after 3 am.
I think I am the the one that called the OW "competition". Please know that I did not intend to sound like you should compete for your H, but that if you were thinking about shaking up the outside version of yourself, see what maybe attracted your H and do it one better. All changes that you make should be first for you, but most of us also want to be attractive for our H. That's why we're here isn't it? To make us better people with the hope that it will also speak to our S.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
I know that. I actually used to think of them (everything) as competition. I wasn't offended and to be honest I just can't worry about that stuff anymore.
Yes we are here to make ourselves better people and in the process we meet and learn from some GREAT people. Thank you for all of your comments and thoughts.
I hope everyone has a great day.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Hey you are just making You the best You - you can be!! That is all that anyone can ask or you can ask of yourself! Take care!!! I understand the feeling of being in competition. I used to feel that way with SD when H and I were first together. I had to let go of that one, because it never did any good!
Well cranky H came home last night. Barely said a word to anyone, just that he was tired. I asked him about work he said it was ok. Then he said goodnight and went to bed. Within minutes of getting home. I was also on my way to bed, needed some quiet time as I am enjoying the lighter feeling in my house right now, don't even know if H noticed. Probably not in a way that he felt the need to comment (I smudged the house to rid of negative energy). So no confrontation or anything, just withdrawl. Fun.
Well, working today. Just love that I can do it from home. So I will check in occasionally. Hope everyone has a good day.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Kel, It's great that you can work from home. I am envious. I was home for 7 mos last year however, so I am appreciating being back out and "alive." I also think that being around "normal" people helps me to keep H's MLC in perspective.
Sometimes when he has been especially crazy I imagine what some of my collegues would say if they only knew. That's when I am reassured that this isn't about me, it's all him!
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
It is all about them. Wish I had realized that sooner. H is now living as he thought he wanted, now still feels like something is wrong. Is the fog maybe starting to lift since if he still feels badly that it can't be me? Don't know.
Working from home can be hard because it is so easy to become unfocused. My paperwork is really behind but I will catch it up next week after I get some ink.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
