Good morning T2L, I have to think of a plan. I don't have any really good friends here to start the whispering. Not sure how to play this out. It will have to be something sneaky. I was thinking of putting a note on her car saying "when did you start going out with your boss -- does his wife know?" or something like that but I don't want her to think it was from me. I need something clever and diabolical!
Any word from your H after the encounter? Has he brought it up. Hope all is going well.
I love that website. I just got the rules for standing. Did you read their story about they got divorced and still ended up together. That is the ultimate DB story if there was ever one!
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
But remember to expose your husband's affair to the light of day. Don't hide it from anyone, including your children. Transparency is like chemotherapy. Hopefully, there is someone who is talking to your husband about the tragic decisions he's making, and can influence him to change course."
Frank Pittman's advice is to go do something else for a couple of years until the affair ends.
Janis Abrahams Springs states the following statistics about affairs:
10% last one day 10% more than one day, less than one month 50% more than a month, less than a year 40% 2 years or more, and the vast majority don't go over 3 years
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
I have a thread titled, "I need help with this" on this board that details my sitch. If you get a chance, I would love to hear your thoughts.
I have been getting the daliy devotions from rejoice ministries for several months now, and they really keep me going! The one from this past Tuesday was wonderful. I really look forward to the ones written by Bob. I am also a big Joel Osteen fan. Hope and I have an ongoing conversation about dropping the rope and that is my main goal right now.
I have tons of contact with my H and your advice is really helping me. I love doing the "hey you're here, let me get the kids" routine. I read your message about the book "surviving the affair" and I plan to get it as soon as I get the chance.
Me:33, H:34 T10, M8 S4,S3,S9m ILYBINILWY 11/07 Separation 1 2/08-8/08 Back Home 8/08-10/08 Separation 2 10/08- Too many bombs to count:(
Good Morning ladies, I was wondering if I could join your thread. I've read through almost every post and the enthusiasm and hope all of you have especially T2L really boosts my optimism. I agree that T2l should have a morning call with everyone - the info and advice you provide could be a website all on it's own. And well your a salesperson too, because I'm going to go out and purchase the "Surviving an Affair" book, just based on all the info you have gotten from it. I could use a little help in the flirty part, I've never been that type of girl - I'm shy. I have been reading 7 days to sex appeal, just because dh says there is no passion with me. And he says he's done trying but to hell if I am. We are meant for each other. And speaking of Prayers this is a prayer I have found yesterday that I have begun saying every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. There are a few but here is 2 I like: Lord Jesus, grant that I and my spouse my have a true and understanding love for each other. Grant that we may both be filled with faith and trust. Give us the grace to live with each other in peace and harmony. May we always bear with one another's weaknesses and grow from each other's strengths. Help us to forgive one another's failings and grant us patience, kindness, cheerfulness and the spirit of placing the well-being of one another ahead of self.
May the love that brought us together grow and mature with each passing year. Bring us both ever closer to You through our love for each other. Let our love grow to perfection.
And...
Dear God, You have defined my desire: to be immeasurable value to my spouse. Guide me in the ways that lead to this richness in relationship, and be glorified in my every effort. I want to honor my spouse - and you - through my behavior. How can I do that today? Please show me and empower me.
If nothing else please I wish you hope and love in your endeavor to retrieve the love and marriage I know you all wanted.
Jen Me 32 H 35 Married 8yrs 3/11/2000 - Together 10 yrs No Children
1st Bomb - 7/1999 2nd Bomb - 8/2004 3rd A - 10/2006 4th A & Bomb - 10/12/08
Done sweeping things under the rug, I need to start doing something...But what?
AllW8SBF, Welcome to you too! I'm so glad you popped on. I understand the shy part. My whole childhood I was an introvert until the 8th grade I decided to try out for the cheer leading team and crazy enough I made it. So for an entire year I had to get up in front of crowds and cheer. to say the least my fear was broken. Every time we do something afraid, we are breaking that fear over our lives and walking in a realm of bravery. The bible says that God uses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. Thats going to be us. I am glad you are reading and educating your self. Ok all the girls get it here so this is to Faithrunner and you. What are you doing to GAL? Ya know at times I still battle with bouts of fear, and I'm a worship leader singing in front of a congregation, most people won't know it but it does hit me at times. So I started salsa lessons as GAL when this started. Now I was nervous and could have easily backed out but guess what? I did it afraid and now I love it and take lessons every where. I just went to this dance studio in Hollywood it was a fun class. I love salsa because its creative, but not trashy since it's a part of the ballroom dancing thing. Its very professional. And I think my spouse has wondered why I am doing this when I should be suffering and stop living. But this is what I am feeling inspired to tell you, find out who you are. I think when you find out who you are your going to be a powerhouse of confidence, and confidence is attractive. Let me ask you this. Has your H ever viewed you as strong or confident or does he view you as the opposite. I think as Christians yes we need to be meek and other virtues, but look at the bible. How many times did God lead his people into battle to take spoils? This is not weak. The bible refers to God being a might man of war. God has warring angels. So I am not saying be nasty dominating women. To men, in my opinion, strength and confidence is attractive but only when its accompanied with that irresistible way of a woman. Men are attracted to our bubbly effervescent way. My Pastor did this teaching several years back and i have implemented it long time ago. He explains how men are attracted to our giddy, bubbly, laughter ways of a girl and that how sometimes as women get older and all the responsibilities and pressures of life, we lose that. Sometimes, and not excusing, men go for younger women because that's what is so irresistible to men is that feminine nature. Doesn't mean you need to be an airhead either. But I use this feminine nature all the time. It works with H and it works with any guy. I'm not saying be a tramp. Just be girly. I get discounts and rushed to the front of the line etc etc. It's not just looks my friends. It's the feminine nature that is God given. girls are girls and guys are guys. So search you heart, have you lost that about you? Remember in the book where it says we have investigating to do about the OW. This is a good one to ask.
Ok back to thought, sorry for the rabbit trail guys! Look at Ester, there must have been an incredible amount of confidence in herself, and God, to do what she did. When this started my Pastor said to me T2L find out who you are. I though well how silly I am T2L. But then the Lord really laid it on my heart and it made a lot of sense. So I started the journey.
AllW8SF, I read your stats at the bottom. If your comfortable share more with us. We are all very transparent here and its safe and I wouldn't allow any judgment go on in this thread. I really feel strength and confidence is the treasure God wants to pull out of you while your in this fire. What do you think?
But hey girlies welcome AllW8SBF! I'm glad you came. Sorry guys I keep forgetting to add the stuff I've been praying over the situation. Ok ok it's coming.
XOXO
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Great point, T2L. I know that H told me when this all started that I wasn't fun anymore. I was thinking, well I just had our third kid, what do you expect of me? Now, I am trying to draw that back out and I do notice some positive responses from H. We do enjoy our time with the kids together, and last weekend he started doing a couple inside jokes of ours (this before his "mental breakdown" on Sunday-see my thread for details). Speaking of which, T2L, I would love to hear your opinion on that whole situation from Sunday.
Anyway, I think it's a great reminder to be upbeat and feminine in their presence. As far as GAL, I run both on my own and with a group. I ran in a race this past weekend while he watched the kids. I have also been trying to do more things with friends. Unfortunately with working and having 3 kids, I get to go out once a week or once every other week. On the weekends, with H willing to do joint activities, I try to keep available for that. Then, I'll run to the mall or run errrands while they nap and H hangs at home.
I feel like I need to do more, but it's still a work in progress.
Me:33, H:34 T10, M8 S4,S3,S9m ILYBINILWY 11/07 Separation 1 2/08-8/08 Back Home 8/08-10/08 Separation 2 10/08- Too many bombs to count:(
Ok ya'll! Here is the 1st prayer that I and my entire congregation began praying over my H it's powerful. Find some private time and pray this loud with BOLDNESS. Your going to be speaking and our words have power. The bible says that God gave all authority to man the earth and remember how did God create the world?....He spoke it into existence(Let there be light). Replace the name in the name spot. I have prayed this over him constantly. My thought are regardless of which way this ends up we should want our H's to be reconciled to God even if they are not with us for at least our children's sake. P.S. GAL and 180!
so here is is..... Eph. 1:17-23 My Father in heaven I come to you in the name of your son Jesus Christ of Nazareth on behalf of [John A Doe] and I pray that you would give unto [John A Doe] a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of God. That the eyes of [John A Doe] understanding would be enlightened; That [John A Doe] would know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power, which he wrought in Christ, when He raised him from the dead, and set him at His own right hand, in heavenly places, far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but in that which is to come. And has put all things under his feet, and gave Him to be the head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him that fills all in all. Eph. 3:16-19 And Lord I ask that you would grant [John A Doe] according to the riches of your glory, that he/she might be strengthened with might by your spirit in his/her inner man; That Christ may dwell in [John A Doe]’s heart by faith; and that [John A Doe] being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passes knowledge and that [John A Doe] might be filled with the fullness of God. II Cor 4:4 I take authority over the blindness of the god of this world, and command you to release [John A Doe], and I pray that the light of the gospel of Christ, who is the image of God would shine on him.
Ok these are things I DECLARED OUT LOUD after I prayed over him. If you like it great and if you don't toss it out...... Father send your angels to (John A Doe). Father I ask you to visit and reveal your self and your will to (John A Doe) I declare that no one but Jesus is going to rule over (John A Doe). I declare that (John A Doe) hears the voice of God and obeys the voice of God. I Declare that (John A Doe) loves his wife and children with all his heart and all his soul. I declare that (John A Doe) is a man after God's heart. Angels of the almighty God go to (John A Doe) right now in the name of Jesus and let there be no rest, peace, and satisfaction in the adulterous relationship between (John A Doe) and (adulteress name). I command confusion and dissatisfaction to come upon the relationship between (John A Doe and adulteress name).
I command the seeds of deception that started the relationship between (John A Doe and adulteress name)to bear fruit. I command the deception that it born from consume that relationship. I declare dissatisfaction come upon all the sexual interactions between (John A Doe and adulteress name). I command the conviction of God to rule over the relationship between (John A Doe and adulteresses name) that every time they see each other let them see what was done to the families. I speak reconciliation over (John A Doe). (John A Doe) be reconciled to your family, friend, church and to God. Holy spirit open my H's spiritual eyes and ears. Holy Spirit go and do a deep cleansing in my H's heart. Heal every part of my H's heart they way only you can. Father I ask in the name of Jesus that you visit (John A Doe) in the night with dreams and speak to him in the day.
Ok that's a good start....
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Gosh... so much to catch up on... I don't have time now and hope to later... you can catch some updates on my thread.. I think under newcomers.. not sure if I've updated on this thread...
T2L can't believe you did the deed with H.... was it so awesome???? I could only imagine for me... especially as I'm so darn lonely for intimacy with anyone - HA!! but H would be my first choice..
more later... read my post and I've gotten some great sucesses on my newcomers thread too...
welcome newcomers...everyone is welcome we all need support
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
