In my case there was no infidelity. But people still think I should have locked the door on my H just for leaving me with 3 kids. I know that I feel strong that I was able to make so many postive changes in myself but I don't feel strong that I am willing to let him home when it is all about me changing not him so much....
Lynn
abbe,
in my case the "affair" honestly is still the minimal problem. I suppose if h had been involved or if I knew that this a was more of a full fledge pa and not "just" the ea it is claimed to be, the a might be more of the presenting problem. I suppose I can understand how people "unintentionally" get involved with other people, be it a coworker or a friend or whatever...it is more when it leads up to that partner leaving the marriage that is a problem for me. That is not to say that having a's is acceptable behavior, it simply states that I understand how it could happen.
it was 4 months after the admittance of the innapropriate "friendship" (or heck the admittance of a friendship at all) that my h left the m.
what am I saying? I suppose all I'm trying to say is that the fact that h left me and the kids (though he will never admit to leaving the kids) hurts a heck of a lot more than his getting involved in something he now knows he shouldn't have gotten involved in. It is the fact that he left that makes the a that much harder to deal with.
I suppose this is simply more venting. What is the solution to feeling this way.
how to get rid of the thoughts that h would or could leave again?
how to stop living life as if he will leave again (stop waiting for that other shoe to drop)
Quote: but I don't feel strong that I am willing to let him home when it is all about me changing not him so much
this one irks the heck out of me too!! big time...especially since the changing that I've had to make is to stop complaining or asking him to make the changes I was seeking in the r in the first place...grrrr...
but it seems at least in my case that all I was doing was going down cheeseless tunnels and the way to create "changes" in h's behaviour has been to make changes in my own. ie. acting as if I'm happy has made him happy and therefore he is a more willing participant in the r.
