I am not sure how badly I want my H around at this point. OK Lets be honest
I do not want this husband or this marriage. I am fine with getting a divorce from this particular relationship
However
I would love the opportunity to have a new relationship with the father of my children, the man who was so romantic and caring and giving so many times in the first 10 years of our dating/marriage relationship (we started dating 16 1/2 yrs ago).
Again, However
H shows no signs of being able to return to that person. And maybe he shouldn't b/c that person turned in to the one who was willing to throw our relationship away. He would probably have to burn to the ground himself in order to start over from scratch with a new perspective
Which brings me to
Those of you who posted that he may go south from this point on, and after the D, I agree. H is depressed whether he admits it or not. He has problems with frustration and rage. I honestly think it is possible he could:
1)Try to and/or succeed at killing himself, b/c of the guilt, anger, frustration and sense of hopelessness. Esp. once the divorce goes through, his kids cry and ask for me when they are with him, he actually lives the life of a divorced man (family events that feel awkward b/c now everyone "knows" our situation, asking the boss for time off to handle aspects of the divorce, changing payroll to deposit money into xw's account, etc). That possibility is scary to me but I don't think I can "save" him from it any more than I can save him from himself now...
2)Act out by drinking, hooking up with random women, online porn, porn magazines, continuing to lie and manipulate people: This could cause him to lose his job, his cattle enterprise, and the opportunity to spend overnights with his children. I don't know that this will happen but I am sure he will have to medicate himself somehow to block out the reality of his choices.
3)Turn right around and marry the OW: This would be if she is still in the picture. I don't think she is right now even though you all seem to think she is. However, if she is still available wherever she is, and he is lonely and lost and unable to admit it to me, that would be one way he might go. Just pick her and tell himself it was the right choice. It won't be, she would manipulate and use the hell out of him, but it isn't my choice to make. Then there is a chance he would
1)Hit rock bottom and realize, in the dark of night when he is not running on all cylinders to escape his choices, that he made a colossal mistake. Have what some call a "come to Jesus" moment (I call it an Ebeneezer Scrooge moment) where he sees for the first time what has really happened and his role in it. Only something like this would lead to true change and true growth, in my opinion.
