Positive developments?

[jon2911]

Well, last night was a ride. I had recovery group, then went out for football and drinks. I had missed a call from W at 7:00, tried her back at 8:00 but she was on the line.

Called her when I was leaving the bar at 11:30. We made small-talk for a little while, then she said "I had a really horrible day". Surprised, I asked about it. She said FIL had called a meeting over dinner. She asked step-MIL if this had to do with her sister, that she didn't want to get involved, and was told "don't worry, your dad doesn't want to hurt her". W went, and received the news that FIL is officially boycotting SIL's wedding, all his reasons, etc.

W is pissed. She says her dad is being selfish when he should just go along and play the part, and that the repercussions will be enormous. She also feels like step-MIL lied to her to convince her to come, when the news could have been relayed over e-mail. FIL is extremely overpowering in these "meetings", the several I've had with him are some of my worst memories. W talked with SIL for a while last night, about how it's always the same BS from their dad, over and over.

What a turnaround. W loves her dad, and tries to please him to a fault. Back in March, he convinced her to move home. It really goes along with a lot of the Adult Child of and Alcoholic stuff I've read. She had a terrible migraine last night, but I was able to talk her to sleep. Hello! Where do you think all this comes from, W?

We talked several times today, and she thanked me for listening. I feel like this is big, but need to gather my thoughts. Think I'll go canoeing tonight and bring my phone with me in case she calls.

[MichelleLT]

Lots of positives there.

Your GAL stuff is awesome.

As are the conversations with her.

Hopefully she can take care of her old family issues soon. Just remember, you can support her, but you can't do it for her. As much as you'd love to be able to fix it all, life is rarely that simple.

[jon2911]

Thanks Michelle!

Canoeing was nice. I need to keep working on my goals and ride out the ups and downs.

W called last night, and we talked for a bit but it was awkward. I felt like she wanted to say something, but was holding back. I was really tired and starting to feel sick, so I called it a night.

W called back at 12:30 AM, and said "I really need to get out of Houston, away from my parents". I asked her if this was new because of the wedding drama, and she said "no, it's been a continual series of things". I tried to keep it light, said there's a place for her here. She also said "what should I do about my job situation? I don't know what to do." I told her we felt desperate before, but then she found the hospital job and did really well.

She started to sound really tired, and asked me to sing her a song, which I did and she fell asleep. I'm feeling more and more tired from these late-night calls, but it's progress.

[jon2911]

W called around lunch, I was busy at work and couldn't talk much. She was having trouble logging in to the bank site, and I helped her.

W: Things will be really tight for me the rest of the month, but I just checked and I'm still in the black.
Me: That's good, the end of the month isn't that far away.

She sounded sad, or like she wanted something from me. Not sure how to respond, besides "you can have all the money you want if you come back". LOL, just kidding.

[MichelleLT]

Sounds like she is really doing some thinking.

As usual, tons of positives there!

Keep being her friend, supporting her, listening. But don't completely bail her out. Remember, part of the reason for her crisis is that she didn't feel independent and confident, so don't fix it for her, help her do it herself.

((((((Jon)))))))

Glad you had fun last night.

And glad to hear you are doing well for yourself.

[ms ladybug]

She calls you an awful lot. I'm wondering, why you make yourself SO accessible to her ALL THE TIME. If you're tired, don't answer your phone. Why should you be there to sing her to sleep? If she lived with you, you could sing to her every night. See what I'm getting at? For instance, if I was going on an evening canoe ride, I'd leave my phone in the car. You've got to be TOO busy to talk to her sometimes.
But, what do I know...