If you have it in you just keep riding steady and easy. 2 years is a long time, but it's just been the last few months that your H has seemed to be making an actual effort.
As you yourself said, he is seeing C now and that is HUGE. Give it time to work.
Do you ever visualize your life if H was not your H anymore? would you be happier without him as your H? What would be better....or worse?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I know I can live without him for sure. When he first left, I didn't think I could do it, but now I know I can. I'm not afraid of the divorce, but it would sadden me tremendously. At this point, I'm not sure how much would actually be different if H didn't return since we've been on our own without him since Aug 2006. My mentallity (sp?) would probably change though with the finality of a D.
So how have you been WCW? How's everything in 'the country'?
Been busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest! Things are okay with the ranch but I've been keeping my local vet clinic from feeling the economic depression. I've had more vet calls in the last 3 months than in the last 3 years! Big Black is still recovering and will be for months, Mr Cutie is better but milking the stall rest for good grain and keeping his buddy Big Black company. Another mare tried to give herself a mastectomy so now I have 3 horses to doctor. H is gone on his annual Big Hunt so it's extra busy keeping up with ALL of it. Mentally though I feel better when I don't wonder all night what time he's driving in. Now I sure understand why some people think being separated is easier to DB than living in the same house. If I dwell on all the things wrong about me/H I get real overwhelmed so I try to focus on what is good and and chip away at the rest of what I can to make my life better.
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I'm not sure how much would actually be different if H didn't return since we've been on our own without him since Aug 2006.
Go the other direction with your thoughts. What would change if (when!) he does return?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
H tm me today during work asking "Why do you hate me sooooo much? Why can't you see I'm working on everything to make it better, including me and you?" I'm not sure where this came from. I replied "H, I have nothing but love for you. Can't you see that? I'm giving you your space to work things out and that is my gift to you." He said "I hate my life soooooo much! What is going on?!"
Now he emailed me asking if we can talk this weekend. Said it's nothing bad, but he wants to tell me what he's talking to IC about and about us. Oh boy.
Is he really hitting bottom here? Is this what it looks like?
I don't know what rock bottom looks like anymore. I hear so many things but I don't know.
What I can tell you is that my h is so miserable and when he is sitting with all of us, it is as if he begins to hang his head down as if he withdraws from everything and then perks up again, etc. This happens a lot in during the course of a conversation with me or me and the kids. I have noticed this a lot lately.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
WOW good, or WOW bad Andabelle? I'm curious. I let H talk and say these things to me. I found it absolutely shocking that he tm'd me asking why I hate HIM soooo much. How can he think that when I've been nothing but here for 2 years??? Crazy.
