Back to life, back to reality?

[istherehope]

Hi Sep,

Thanks for checking in on me.

I reread my email at least 12 times, and there is definitely no apologizing in it at all. There are a few points where I say "I understand that...", overall though it is full of gems like "We are faithful, committed, we like each other, trust each other etc., and there are not 'irreconcilable differences.' This is about giving up and letting pessimism rule. This is not like you." "You say that what we have isn't enough, but you don't speak to me about anything other than how unhappy the marriage has made you. You tell me that you want more, but won't tell me what it is or why you think you can't have it with me."

I did express loads of anger when we had that conversation in bed too, and told him that not everything was an existential crisis, but I think that he was more focused on my crying...this email made me seem stronger I guess, even if angry.

H and I have been IMing a LOT for the past 2 hours, but it has all been pretty good, mainly I think because when he starts to panic, I change the topic or say I need to get back to work. He just reached out again and mentioned that the weekend day we are NOT going to Galway, we should take another drive, maybe go horseback riding...

So this is just bizarro-world. I hope that he is not going to be judging our interactions too much...another thing I'd said in the email was "I'm at least as much fun to hang out with as all of your new friends, and I actually care about you." So suddenly he's planning all these activities...

Oh I SOOOO hope he will avoid R talk!!! Do you think I should actually ask that we avoid talking about it or should I just go with the flow?

ITH