1. When I have PMS and am already having a rough time staying composed. 2. When H needs space or solitude and my paranoia about OW and/or abandonment starts kicking in. 3. When H gets negative and I let it suck me down. I interpret his negativity as being so unhappy that he wants to split up--again, my abandonment issues. 4. When I get angry at H. I'm afraid express anger or any other emotions that may drive H away. 5. When I allow myself to mentally visualize H and OW in any way: past, present or future.
What doesn't work: 1. letting myself get caught up in paranoia: fear of abandonment, fear of rejections, fear of betrayal. 2. letting myself get caught up in H's negativity and reacting to it. 3. letting myself get caught up in anger at H that really springs from not forgiving. 4. assuming that I can predict H's thoughts and actions. 5. assuming that H has hidden agendas and malignant secrets.
What still needs work: 1. Mental discipline so that I can stay emotionally composed, detached, and question my assumptions. 2. Learing how to "complain" or express legitimate anger in a way that doesn't cause me to fear rejection or make H feel critisized. 3. Resonding to each situation in a mindful way instead of reacting. 4. When H says something that I don't like hearing, remembering that I always wanted him to communicate more so I can't have it both ways! 5. Continuing to work on trust and forgiveness. Remembering that this is a process and forgiving myself that I haven't been able to completely trust or forgive yet.
