I'm tired of being stuck like I am. I see some improvement again but I want more. It sucks seeing H for 5 min while he drops D off at my place. I want more than 5 min. Sometimes there is, but sometimes not. Even after he leaves, I want to call him. But that's usually when things go downhill because I express how much this sucks. This female room mate is supposedly his room mate's gfriend, but I doubt it. He's out of town alot supposedly and she bought a card and cake for MY H over the weekend and had MY D, herself and the cat sign the card! No regular room mate does this, do they? H keeps telling me he's "trying so G.d hard to make his live right and be together again" but I feel he's pulling my leg. He says he's moving back to his parent's place the end of this month, but they supposedly knew nothing of this. He says it's because he told them he doesn't want to make a big deal out of this, but the surprise in their voices when I asked didn't sound like they knew at all. Who knows. I don't know why I'm like this. My mind is my worst enemy. I f's with me all the time. I can't get negative thoughts out of my head and it makes me want to question H even more. He's going to IC which is HUGE, I mean HUGE!, for him! I just don't know why I can't seem to let go/detach/go dark/etc to help me and my life right now. And that sucks! If someone can help with my thoughts then that would be great! I'm in this now for 2+ years and why am I still like this?????
