Your list is pretty thorough, so I may be redundant. Let's see. I might expand your list a little.
1) For the most part, when one's S first "comes back," they are not really back yet. The decision to make things work has been made, but it still takes time and patience. Expectations during this time still need to be put on hold until the R can again flow more smoothly. 2) Expectations (like LL said) are damning. Expectations lead to pressure, which is, naturally, contrary to what we're trying to achieve. 3) We only have control over ourselves. 4) Trying to DB to perfection while in Piecing puts untenable pressure on ourselves. This pressure is projected into our R, thus slowing down the healing process. We (like our Ses) are flesh and blood. We too are entitled to "feel" sometimes. We need to allow ourselves these feelings, but not let those feelings warp our sense of reality...and drive us to do and say things that are contrary to what needs to be said and done. 5) Sometimes we just need "to be." Focusing on the R too much is just...well...too much... 6) Deep down, our Ses are still the same people we married. Over time, through all of the muck, they lost their way and are in a great deal of pain. Patience, forgiveness, kindness, and understanding (in the face of all the junk they are piling on top of us) are the only things that will help draw those people we married out again.
There's more, but I have to get my butt back to work again...just found out we had a few layoffs on Friday. Ugh!
