Just when I'm looking to go all big man in a big way W is offering a glass of wine, chocolates and an early night, geez and theres loads of footy on the TV tonight.
Ah well heaven can wait. (I mean the footy). Lanzo
Lan, Maybe heaven can wait till hell freezes over, but the wine and chocolates are signs of little man going in a big way. Sorry K this is Man to Man ;-)
>> W now works 4 hours Saturday and 4 hours Sunday mornings. Lan, Watch carefully where this is going. You are wise dealing with this by involving D7 in some activity for now. But you want to give this turn of events more thought as it will stress the R further.
I typed out a long post detailing events but didn't want to lay that side of things open to ridicule so the short serious version is, I got the wine, got the chocolates, and then I got sleeping beauty ( W falls a sleep) . I layed awake most of night annoyed thinking negative thoughts. W stirs in the morning indicating she fine, but I wasn't fine, no signal getting from brain to other parts, so I'm not best please this morning.
Lan - sorry to hear your frustration about this - wine and chocs indicate good intentions though! And although of little comfort thats still a big step forward in many respects...
What do you see your way forward being?
KBO - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Difficult to explain but somtimes it feels like W is playing games (although she probably not). So while I lay in bed the negative thoughts going through my head went back to previous periods when we were unable to ML and that was cos W was involved with OM, so you can tell what I spent all night thinking of.
The way forward, well I've tried to talk to W about sex but she say I'm killing the enjoyment by discussing things, she wants things to happen naturally, and if she falls asleep well there's another day. That sounds ok but in the past another day has been another year for me, so natuarally my programmed response is grab it while you can.
For some reason we are on different levels in this area and I'm not sure how to get us back to how normal couples should be (can anyone tell me what normal is).
So going back to the way forward, I don't know, I haven't a clue should I now be over in the SSM forum ?.
The way forward, well I've tried to talk to W about sex but she say I'm killing the enjoyment by discussing things, she wants things to happen naturally, and if she falls asleep well there's another day. That sounds ok but in the past another day has been another year for me, so natuarally my programmed response is grab it while you can.
For some reason we are on different levels in this area and I'm not sure how to get us back to how normal couples should be (can anyone tell me what normal is).
So going back to the way forward, I don't know, I haven't a clue should I now be over in the SSM forum ?
Hi Lan,
Here's my advice. (Note, I'm farther along than you with my W, but still battle many of the same issues. FWIW.) Take W at her word. She says she wants it to happen "naturally", right?
It seems to me you are approaching ML too much as A Big Event. While Big Events are nice every once in a while, that doesn't have to be the way it always works. Some drawbacks of Big Events:
Big Events do NOT happen often
Big Events take lots of work to plan and pull off
Big Events have lots of expectations tied to them, which (as you are demonstrating) leads to disappointment when they don't happen
Instead of shooting for The Big Event ML, how about just making being flirty and suggestive more of a regular everyday occurrence? I'm not saying initiate every day of the week, but maybe just make that undercurrent of "I want you", "You are desirable", etc. more of joyful, regular part of your daily life? I could be reading into it, but maybe that's what W is saying when she says "let it happen naturally."
Does that make any sense to you?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
I do not want to add anything other than to say that I know exactly how you feel. I would even go as far as saying that you may be wrong about your assumptions but I think normal couples still make love on a semi regular basis.
I know it is no consolation but you did have wine and chocolates....what else can i say but hang in there.
Dear Lan, first of all, you are a perv, I dont care what others here say...
Secondly, I agree with Rob 100%. I think I have tried to tell you this in the past but I guess I didnt know how. I dont care what you ve been through, your W is a woman and speaking as a woman, I would say concetrate on the "foreplay" of the thing and let the hard core happen naturally.
Foreplay is MENTAL (PLEASE dont laugh at my English) Love xxxx K
