Understand that protection absolutely and as I stated it's not necessarily a recommendation from me, it's just the way I went. And I am fully aware that this is a walk away spouse that I had an encounter with and not H at least not yet.
Jgrind, I want you to become so disengaged & confident that it starts to puzzle H.
When he comes to visit, cheerfully look him straight in the eyes and say hi there let me get the kids for you and you be the one setting the tone of interaction, you be the one who seems disengaged and very oddly happy and walks away 1st.
Do not hang on his every word or be clingy in any way. He can prob feel and read the body language and can see your dissatisfaction and sadness by his avoiding you, so perk up be cheerful and busy, better yet when he gets there, say wow perfect timing I'm so glad you here the kids are so excited to see you I'll be back later I have errands to do. Bye! Sometimes if I was there when he visited I would be off in my room doing something not giving him the time of day. After a while I think he was more uncomfortable than I was. I used to get on the phone right when he got there and chat and laugh on purpose while he was there. I wanted him to know that he can't steal my joy and to see hey look I'm still alive! Not maliciously but with spunk and confidence.
I did this several times during July when he came to visit and I dressed up really cute like I was going out but sat at the book store up the street for 2 hours. Now those days he was very moody and bothered and would ask the kids where I was at.
It's so super important that we do not become clingy and GAL even in their presence. Its like it empowers them to continue this longer because they know you are lost with out them and you just may wait your whole life. But lets say they can see you GAL trying new things getting out there with girlfriends or whatever, maybe just maybe they start to wonder hmmm maybe she won't wait forever. But all the while your sweet, confident, disengaged just a bit, your GAL'ing like your life depended on it, you set the tone of the calls and visits by ending 1st. You set the tone.
Forgive me guys if I sound redundant, I just want you all to get to that place where your H is attracted to your confidence.
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
