Another one bites the dust (2)

[LL44]

Our SIL's sound similar. Mine (XSILs I suppose) are so confused by xH's actions, and saddened by the whole situation.

Glad you had a nice night out. And so funny that's your H's inner battles (between being resentful that you are getting a life and glad you are happy and healthy) came out when he had a 'reason' to get mad at you. Then he realized that he was wrong. That email is an official apology from our type of men, huh?

Have a good Sunday!

[Gypsy]

Man Ms. Heart..

I have to learn how to go out more often! You're great!

*hugs*

[No Longer BH]

Got this email from my STBXH today and it made me really sad.It shouldnt, I should be past these feelings but I'm not:

Brokenhearted,

I hope you had a great weekend. I really think it was a great thing to take son to the Obama rally and have been sharing with everyone that you did. I still smile thinking about it.

I would like to start the talking about putting together the information necessary to have our documents drawn up. I see it as 3 areas that we need to go through:

1. Personal property

2. Parenting arrangements

3. Money arrangements

My impression is the item of most concern to you, and the one with the least discussion between us, is the last. If you like, we can talk about that first. What I am hoping we can do is have a very open and honest talk about goals, hopes, requirements, understandings, timeframes, etc.

How would you like to begin?

I hope you are having a great day.


I know that getting a D really is not going to change my sitch at all. We are living apart, he has already moved on to OW, and we are each doing our own things at this point. I really dont have any good feelings left for him anymore, butit is the fear of the unknownthat makes it so hard. It is the anger that he left me and is doing this while I am fighting CANCER that makes it hard to face. I really hope that one day he feels awful about this and that maggot leaves him. I know, very negative energy I am putting outintothe universe. Just not feeling very positive at the moment. Any suggestions on how I should reply? I am not sending anything tonight, I will wait until tomorrow.

[LL44]

Blecky. Its all just blecky. And I totally understand the fear of the unknown, the fear of the future. Totally understand it. Heck, the whole divorce process is terrifying, as no one has been through it yet. Make sense?

I know whatever response you come up with will trump mine, but I would just respond (when you are ready) thanking him for the kind approach, and yes, you want to remain at peace while figuring things out. Maybe set a date (a week?) and meet somewhere neutral, each with list in hand, of ideas.

OR...

Find a mediator and go in with nothing. Start from scratch with the mediator. That's what they are there for anyway.

HUGS!

[Reincarnated]

Don't worry too much about your "negative energy" - it is NORMAL. Just keep it in perspective, feel your feelings and let them wear themselves out. If you repress any of it, it will just resurface later.

Even if you go with mediation, you should meet with a L at least once to become informed as to what your rights are. Your local women's center might have low-cost or free services, as well as Family Matters at the court. Do you have a case worker at the hospital? They might be able to help, too.

Go into ANY discussion with him with documentation. I believe that the first order of business is financial affidavits from both parties: what you earn, what you have, what debt you carry. You should be able to find the forms online, too.

It is an unknown, and it is scary, and it sucks. But you have a chance to get in the driver's seat with this part of it - keep as detached as you have been while you go through this business, because that's what this is - business.

BH, you sound so good for all that you are doing and handling... ((((BH))))

[Ready2Change]

*HUGS*

Hi Sweetie,

Thanks for checking in on me. I appreciate it!

I will never understand why he did it, so there just seems to be no reason to keep asking why. Yet I still do.

He did it so you can grow. The R was broken. This is your time to work on you. We all have our STUFF that needs to be sorted out. Reflecting on the R will help get our STUFF out of the way for the next great R you will be in.....

I wish you well during these tough times. My thoughts and prayers are with you....

[Ready2Change]

...it made me really sad

It is perfectly fine to be sad. Feel every emotion and let them out!

I would like to start the talking about putting together the information necessary to have our documents drawn up. I see it as 3 areas that we need to go through:
1. Personal property
2. Parenting arrangements
3. Money arrangements
My impression is the item of most concern to you, and the one with the least discussion between us, is the last. If you like, we can talk about that first. What I am hoping we can do is have a very open and honest talk about goals, hopes, requirements, understandings, timeframes, etc.

First, Do you trust him? If you can't trust him, then I would recommend getting legal advise. Go to lots of L with lists of questions....

but it is the fear of the unknown that makes it so hard.

Do not let fear control you. Face your biggest fears....

It is the anger that he left me

Sorry you are angry. You ave every right to be angry. Reach deep inside you and let go of this anger. Put it toward a positive changes....

...I am fighting CANCER....

*HUGS*

...that maggot leaves him. I know, very negative energy I am putting outintothe universe.

I can feel your pain for what you perceive the OW did. What type of energy do you want to put out in the universe?

Any suggestions on how I should reply? I am not sending anything tonight, I will wait until tomorrow.

Not sure if you have sent a reply, but draft up a reply and let us look it over and offer input....

*HUGS*

[No Longer BH]

Just thought I would share what I decided to send STBXH today. SHort and to the point:

Thanks for sending the email. How about you send me your thoughts and idea so I can go over it. I'm interested in what you think is fair as far as finaces. We can start from there.

What do you think?

[No Longer BH]

I posted this on Karens thread but felt a need to post it here as well. It was an email a friend sent to me and it really helped me to keep moving on in a positive manner. Lessons LBS should learn:

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of
who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is,
won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you
want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they
have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and
touches your heart

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right
beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never
know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person
you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man / woman, who
isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before
meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so
what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more
careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are
before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you
least expect them to.


REMEMBER:

WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

[chicki]

This is great!

Thanks BH!