Your H may have some bad ideas about counseling. A big component of addiction often is denial and shame. That sometimes does come out as refusing to see a T or a C because they fear "criticism." Often someone with any type of an addiction has a low tolerance for examining their own behavior and fear being seen as having a problem or weakness. You have to proceed cautiously with them.
Only you can determine what a healthy sexual life is for yourself. Tough love is a book helps communicate your boundaries within a Christian context. That's a good thing--communicating what it is you will and will not accept in your life. But you have to decide for yourself what you can tolerate emotionally, mentally, and physically. If doing something to maintain a relationship is making you feel uncomfortable or uneasy, then it is telling you that you may have extended your boundaries without regard to yourself.
The sexual addiction thing is a slippery slope. I know what I had witnessed in my ex; however, you really can't determine that unless he is willing to talk to a therapist, be evaluated, and keeps an open mind to the idea that your sex life is detrimental to your marriage. He will need to decide then that your marriage is more important than his ego.
You will have a lot of work to do as well should you go the route of trying to save your M. There will be relapses, there will be bargaining, and there will be times he's coping with a different life and and different attitude that is completely foreign to him.
I know of couples who have overcome it and have persevered. It was not an easy road. I attended a few S-Anon meetings during and just after my D. You can google S-Anon to get their website and learn more. It may be of use for you or it may not but can provide you with more information. I didn't keep up with it but did meet a few very nice folks there. I divorced my ex and decided after a short while that it was something I could cope with in other ways, especially since I wasn't the one involved with the threesomes and other "extra-curricular" activities going on. (There was more to it for him than just threesomes...there was some rather impulsive and impetuous behaviors as well. That's why I'm hesitant to mention sex addictions here, but it's worth investigating too.)
Please take good care of yourself and enjoy your break. Keep posting.
