BW, "I can't remember who I recommended this book to, but you might read Adult Children of Abusive Parents. Just to try to understand her better. I see signs of it."
Oh yeah, the signs are there. I was about to say a few things about her M in regards to this but I know from experience its not a wise thing. Best save it for a counselling session. If my W ever finds and reads what I have written here, I am sure it would upset her as well. Thanks for the recommendation.
The need for ownership and freedom within a marriage is real. I just have no idea how to practically attain it so both parties feel like they have some say so.
Dr. Harley talks about the principle of joint agreement, where nothing is done unless both spouses willingly agree on it. It is very interesting.
A marriage, by its nature, is a situation where one person's choices will affect the other person's life and to some degree, choices. There is some voluntary loss of freedom on both parts, but at the same time, there needs to be recognition that each person is an individual in the R with differing needs and wants at times, and allowance should be made as long as it does not harm the other or the R.
Along with the voluntary loss of freedom is the gain of a new entity,the relationship, which is much harder to maintain or grow, but the rewards are that much richer when successfull.
I was ready to put some of my 'freedom' aside to explore the world of marriage. My W has bemoaned the fact that she got married so young, she never felt she ever had anything of her own. She misses the rewards of being independent, which she probobly needed in order to make it to the next stage of interdependency. So I understand it, but it hurts nonetheless.
That's my feeling on it at least.
Last edited by native; 10/22/0801:30 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
If my W ever finds and reads what I have written here, I am sure it would upset her as well. Thanks for the recommendation.
