Losing Ground but turning around

[ba065]

Ali:

I have spoken to a C about H....I also programmed in a suicide hotline number into my phone....H has threatened to harm himself on more than one occasion....but then he back peddals and acts like I'm the crazy one.

He still lies to me all the time...he admits that he does, but he doesn't stop. I quit asking questions a long time ago, because I know his answers will just be more lies. I am still most of the time...don't say much...then I get hit with one of my problems being lack of communication...I just can't win either way.

I'm glad H is seeing a C....even if she helps him sort things out enough that he decides to leave...it's not what I want, but I don't want him the way he is...he isn't the man I married...doesn't even resemble that man anymore. He can't see the forest through the trees so to speak, but he has to find his way, I can't do it for him.

I'm still standing for our M but my resolve isn't as strong. I'm detaching.

I know I'll be alright no matter what the outcome is...but I don't think H believes that and that is why he is still around...that, and being too afraid to let everyone else down (the kids, extended family etc.) He has so little self confidence and respect and he's too proud to let anyone inside to see the messed up H....always up for an Oscar!