Back to life, back to reality?

[AliSuddenly]

Hey ITH,
I'm so sorry, it must be horrible, thinking of you.

Now that I am through the other side, so to speak... what jumped out at me in your Hs message was.. it sounded EXACTLY like all the things my ex said. I really care about you. I do want to talk more, but I have to be firm. I dont want to be like this, but I know this isnt going to work. I cant stay with you, not even for the years/commitment we did have. This is killing me but I have to do this, I need space. I need to be on own. I've changed...

basically, he is refusing to work on the R and the way he writes his email just makes me strongly suspect that he has met someone else, even if there is not PA or EA, but that having strong feelings for someone else, or an attraction gives them a kind of steely strength to leave and be quite firm and resolute.

THis may be a red herring, but his email was so exactly the same messages I heard.. and I asked if there was anyone else and he swore blind to me that there wasnt, but there was, he just felt too afraid/guilt ridden to tell me, or didnt want to believe that he was leaving me for someone else.

I dont suggest you ask him, but I do wish I had known sooner, as it would have changed the way I DBed and how I felt all year. So in terms of hanging on (and Lisa/OneDay has some excellent advice, listen to her!) then, you might want to try and find out (ok, snoop is what I am saying) if there IS an OW. Knowledge is power in my book and my ex kept this critical key piece of information from me all year, thereby taking away my power.

If it isnt an OW, then your H is clearly going through a major life change. I just dont believe people fall that spectacularly out of love if there are no major issues/incompatibilities/rows between you.

Do leave it until the weekend like he said. Nothing will be gained from pushing him - it will be a short term fix for you to have some contact/emotional convo with him but it wont change anything and could make him feel more pressurised. I'm really very sorry as I have been following your sitch for so long and I feel for you and that your H, despite his declaration to be good to each other through this, he has been quite cruel, as alot of these WAS are.

Hugs to you, you have tried your hardest so far, thats admirable.

Ali xxx