Back to life, back to reality?

[istherehope]

So H sent another emotional email. I am SO sick of this. I actually called him right after, because I wasn't at home and I thought he was, and that he didn't know I was on my way. He was still at work, and so we had another conversation. He said he would "think about the things I'd said", and that I should think about what he's said. I said that I wasn't sure why he was just giving up on things. He said this wasn't fair, but not sure why not...Anyway here's the email. It's so painful that I can't even bear to look at it. I am writing back, because I told him that I would.

"It is not a decision I have made. It is how I feel and it is who I am. We need to not be married anymore. We need to do this cordially while looking out for the welfare of each other. It is not about being adults, it is about us doing the most caring thing anyone can do, wishing the other best and ending this chapter and giving the other the best chance of happiness. I cannot do this anymore because I am giving you false hope where these is none. It kills me to tell you this, it tears me apart, but you need to know what I feel and what a part of me it is. It will not change. I want us to remain friends, as much of a stretch as that is. I want us to make a promise that we will not try to harm each other or sabotage each other. I want this to be foremost in our dealings with each other. I will never invade your space or talk to you about it at work, or do something to affect your state of mind. I expect the same as I know you are a good decent person.

I know we cannot be happy together. I know this as well as I know anything. It is not about opening up, or tweaking something inside. I still care about you deeply, but that will not enable us to be happy. I cannot do it. I cannot go into this and do one month or three and pretend or try. I cannot hurt you like that because at the end of that timeline it will be us talking about this again. Nothing will have changed, and possibly we could be in a worse place. I care about you too much to drag you on like this. I do care for you which is why I am being so blunt and open.
I am willing to talk this out with you more. I understand you will not always react well, neither will I, but I will try to do so. I will be fair and honest with you. I do not think bad of you, I think the world of you. Lets talk the next few days, lets be patient with each other and all that. Lets not talk until the weekend if we can. I think we need to absorb things a bit more. I just really need some space. I do want to talk more though. "