Oh I love Boo at the Zoo. I live right by the big Amico sign so can walk there with my S. LOVE the area I live in. Hate that I have to sell my house because of all of this, but thems the breaks. I know when this is all over, I will be able to pick the pieces back up, its just hard to see that things can get better when things have been so broken apart.
Glad you had your win fall. And I think it is even sweeter that you spent it on your girls. Good things are going to keep coming your way!
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
We entered Forest Park by the big Amoco sign because of Hampton being closed. I'll wave next time!!!
Wow, what a slow week. Is it really only Tuesday?? Geesh. H slept on the couch last night. I worked til 2am and he was sleeping hard when I got here. I just walked by him and went upstairs. I hate that he sleeps here sometimes but with our schedule (unless I insist he take the girls to his dad's to sleep, which is NOT good for them, especially on a school night), but I am stuck. He stays away all weekend and I love it. The house will be mine in 30-60 days and maybe things will change. It does NO good to talk to him.
He has no clue how hard it is for me to see him, since he is in a different place and can be around me with no problem. He was SOOOO in my way when I was getting the girls ready for school. I swear, don't strike me down, it would be hard on the girls, but sometimes I think it would be easier if he died.
it would be hard on the girls, but sometimes I think it would be easier if he died. \:\(
Many times more than once that thought has passed through my brain and heart over the past 6 years... and I'm sure we're not alone!!
And of course, there is truth in the feeling of it...
However, for me, it has usually served as a warning signal that I'm letting myself get too wrapped up in H's head/moods/crap, and I try my best to step back and regroup.
For you, right now, though, I wish H would just leave you the h$ll alone for awhile!
I so absolutely understand the thoughts that it would have been soooo much easier had they died a physical death instead of a spiritual one. Don't beat yourself up too much -- I have to believe it is a very natural thought.
I look at those who are grieving a loss of a spouse through death and think to myself, "Hmmm, it doesn't seem quite so bad to me -- at least at some point their grieving is going to end and they will have happy memories to console the rest of their lives. It's not like the cadaverous body is still walking around still trying to make their life miserable or something. At least they don't have to continually face their lost spouse periodically for the sake of the children. No, they can lay their misery to rest. Bury it."
Morbid thoughts, yes. Sorry -- and yes, very callous of me (shows that I am still trying to heal from this.)
No, your H has no clue -- but we all knew that already by now.
I know Lwb, you are sooooo ready to move on. But he will be gone soon and if I were in your shoes I'd probably be making it quite nice there because he will be out soon and I'd like to make sure he left me REALLY SORRY and with memories of how great I was. And he lost it...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I think that is a very good idea. My x will forever see me as I was early in the sitch - desperate, a mess. It won't matter how well I recover and grow, he will keep the memory of me in the bad place in his head as to who and what I really am. It helps him live with his decisions and choices.
You're not alone, hon. Many of us have had those very same thoughts, I'm sure. I know I have . Moments where I thought to myself, "What if?...An accident at work...Something." Then I stop myself because I immediately start to feel like some nasty, wicked demon, but you know what? I'm not, you're not, we're not. We're human, and such thoughts are simply personal inner cries of our want and need for peace and serenity in our lives.
Our WASs are obstacles at the moment in our desire for tranquility. However, they will only continue to be for as long as we allow them that power over us.
You're an intelligent, strong, loving woman, and I know you will get through this difficult time and continue to handle it with much grace and understanding. Stay strong, precious lady.
(((((((lwb)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I had a friend who was divorced and then her 2nd H died. She said it was far easier to recover from the death than the divorce because at least when H #2 was gone, she knew she was still loved. I think we ALL have those kind of feelings, and trust me, they have run across my mind as well. And yes, today was VERY chilly. I'm hoping halloween is not cold this year. But where we live it is always a toss up.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
I am SO glad that you wrote this..ok.. not glad but I have been having morbid thoughts about this very thing.. UGH!! I thought I was the most awful person for thinking it! I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one ...
. Moments where I thought to myself, "What if?...An accident at work...Something." Then I stop myself because I immediately start to feel like some nasty, wicked demon, but you know what? I'm not, you're not, we're not. We're human, and such thoughts are simply personal inner cries of our want and need for peace and serenity in our lives.