I was on here a few years ago trying to keep my sanity, knowing that H was having an affair. Lots of things have happened and time has passed. We are still together. I did some things trying to save my marriage and family that in retrospect I should never have done. Please don't bash me for previous idiocies. I know my choices have been extremely stupid and will make people tell me I am an idiot, but now I have to stop this mess and do something different.
OW is out of the picture now. SHE finally realized it was never going anywhere after I actually met her, forgave her, and didn't just dump him and fade away. So you see, he never really made the choice to stop things we her, she did it. He does realize now that he was used (he gave her money for bills, etc.)
At his request and thinking it might "help" the marriage, I have joined H in 3 threesomes since she was out of the picture(over the last 4.5 years). There has not been another woman on the side. Each time, after his fantasy was fulfilled, I was treated like a queen, but after a while he always wanted to do it again (of course). He's to that point again and I just cannot and will not do this anymore. It eats at my soul. I've told him how I feel and he seems to think that I just need reassurance that he loves me, which is not the point. I think he is going to push this. I finally feel strong enough to say no and to look at what the consequences might be.
I stand to lose quite a bit. We've been married over 30 years and he has the career and big salary. I am self employed and make about 1/4 of what he makes, if that. We don't live in a community property state, but that is usually how things are divided up in most of the cases I know of. We married very young so obviously everything we have has been accumulated during the marriage.
I'm a little scared and figure that this will probably lead to the end of our marriage. I just need a little support and maybe if anyone else has ever been in this crummy place, you might share how you got out.
Thanks.
W-late 40's H-late 40's children - all grown, but were at home during H's affair M-over 30 years
