I don't know how we fell apart so fast either. Just ten days ago, H said, "I am not done working on us, I am not ready to give up". So I don't know why he decided to give up.
We had a long, rough talk last night. I was sad but pretty resolute. I did not beg or plead, I treated it as though the decision had already been made. H teared up several times. I mentioned I had called an attorney and I think that got his attention. He said he would prefer to use a mediator if possible.
H said he wants the kids every other week, a few times a week is just not enought time with them. I know that is true but I cannot imagine going a full week without seeing my kids when I am not the one wanting to break up our family. I asked about upcoming holidays, trick-or-treating, pumpkin patch outing, etc. Even parent teacher conferences next week. H wants to do all of those things together as a family. WTF? He said he would hope we could be friendly enough to keep doing all those things together...
He also said that any time he had to travel for work or have late night meetings he would want the kids with me, and hoped I would let him have the same opportunity if ever I had the kids but had a conflict...
He said when he looks at me he sees someone who loves him with all her heart, loves her kids with all her heart, is a great teacher, etc. etc. But he also sees someone hurting deeply b/c of his actions and he does not want to hurt me any more. He said he doesn't have faith in his ability to stop hurting me so the only way to stop hurting me was to stop being with me. That he does love me very much and that is why he does not want to hurt me any more.
I replied very calmly that in getting a D he would be taking away my greatest dream which is to live a happy life with my family together. So I found it ironic that he thought the best way to keep from hurting me was to take away the biggest part of the plan I had for my future.
H had no place to live, his mom has said he can't go live there again (she doesn't know what is up now but has said that before just in letting H know he can't come/go as he pleases). H said he will have to find a place to rent and if he does buy a house I would prob. have to co-sign just as he has co-signed on our current home, in order to be approved for both loans.
He wants to live at our house until he finds a place to live and he doesn't want to tell the kids until he finds a place to live...I don't see that working very well.
