I'm sorry, that all sounds really crappy. When you are hearing all that I am not surprised the DBing went out of the window. Ok, so I think we need to try something new. I personally think you are providing a safety net that he is abusing at the moment, basically always being 'there' on IM. It doesn't make him wonder where you are. Is there a way you can remedy that?
I'm not so sure you should go to your friends for long. I think you should be in the house but not so 'available'. When he calls you, don't always go - be mysterious and say you're busy. Some things like that. Only answer every other call, when he talks (read spews) at you don't say anything, listen and nod. If you can't trust yourself not to 'backslide' say nothing. Let him *really* feel what single life is without having such a safety net in you. Only respond to positives from him.
Just my opinion, if it feels uncomfortable it means you are doing something different. But all the time, be friendly. Don't be cool, be happy and light and warm but don't give everything away, be a little mysterious...
Sorry if there are typos - my keyboard is being weird today!
