Back to life, back to reality?

[istherehope]

Thanks Sep :),

I like your last sentence.

I may be a masochist for hanging in there but I still believe in it, and I will continue to believe in it unless I decide that I want to date again or some other thing changes my heart.

While I pushed H last night, I also apologized this morning, and said I shouldn't have acted in that way. I said that I didn't mean any of the unkind things that I had said.

H's call probably was out of guilt, but was still unexpectedly friendly and even open in terms of sharing about his blood results, so I will just take that as a positive for the moment.

Yeah me choosing to go to my friend's house tomorrow without being asked makes me feel as though I have some power back. I think I will come back Friday night, but very late, and dressed up from dancing or something. I am even tempted to make up the spare room and say that I'd prefer to sleep in there, but haven't quite decided on that yet. I just need H to know that I am OK without all the ILYs and such right now. I was just so weepy last night that I damaged my credibility...

ITH