I so absolutely understand the thoughts that it would have been soooo much easier had they died a physical death instead of a spiritual one. Don't beat yourself up too much -- I have to believe it is a very natural thought.
I look at those who are grieving a loss of a spouse through death and think to myself, "Hmmm, it doesn't seem quite so bad to me -- at least at some point their grieving is going to end and they will have happy memories to console the rest of their lives. It's not like the cadaverous body is still walking around still trying to make their life miserable or something. At least they don't have to continually face their lost spouse periodically for the sake of the children. No, they can lay their misery to rest. Bury it."
Morbid thoughts, yes. Sorry -- and yes, very callous of me (shows that I am still trying to heal from this.)
No, your H has no clue -- but we all knew that already by now.
